


A Cruel Hand Dealt

by DragonofFernweh



Category: Naruto
Genre: /SHOT, HidaDei (rape), ItaDei (rape), M/M, Rape, Rape Recovery, Self Harm, like it's a hint im tagging it mostly as a warning bc this whole thing is fucked, lmao im fuckin garbo i was exhausted when i posted this and put down the wrong character, mild HidaIta, noncon, obidei, recovery process, rest the fuck in peace i forgot i'd changed the story to have obito in it instead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 05:13:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9369578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonofFernweh/pseuds/DragonofFernweh
Summary: Deidara doesn't live the life of a saint. He knows how cold the world can be, how malicious a person can become, and he's suffering firsthand a heinous act from two people meant to be his allies. How does Deidara win a game dealt so strongly against him? With anger, determination, and perhaps someone with a little more experience.





	1. Secrets Kill

**Before proceeding with this story, be warned that it contains graphic content, including: rape, abuse, mentions of insanity and self bodily-harm.**

_When the sun has set, no candle can replace it._

ღ

Cloudy blue eyes looked out through the window, watching a small song-bird as it flew past, its delicate wings flapping against the wind. To any other person, it may have brought a smile to their face. To Deidara, though, all it brought was a scowl. It reminded him of how he couldn't fly, himself. He couldn't sprout his own wings. He could mold them, but even they couldn't fly him away. He couldn't escape this place, these _people_. He couldn't escape what happened yesterday. Nor could he escape today, or tomorrow, or the following days where it would all be the same. Day in and day out, Deidara could do nothing to change or erase what was happening or what had already happened. It was a part of him, now, and he didn't know who to be without it.

A disgusted sound rose in Deidara's throat suddenly, sounding as if he were choking on something. He wrapped a hand around his neck, where faint bruise marks still littered. How long had it been, now? Deidara couldn't remember. A few weeks, a few months? All the days had started to meld together, just another repeat of the last, a reminder of what tomorrow would bring. It wasn't every day it happened, but it might as well have been. The anticipation, the expectation, the creeping around halls and waiting for it. The off-days weren't even a break to Deidara now, they only worsened the intense paranoia that whirled in his gut. A cyclone of anxiety, suspense and distrust. Sometimes, it happened while the wounds were still fresh, or sometimes it happened while they were healing up, just fading. Only to get torn open again.

Deidara was tired.

He was tired of each day being nothing but a waiting game, a nightmarish hunter versus hunted. He was tired of getting hurt, of getting used, of being trapped in this stupid fucking place with no way out and no way to escape the hands that clawed at him.

He kept the bruises and other marks, dark reminders, hidden under long sleeves and sweatpants. Those clothes were so out of character for Deidara that it prompted questions. Words usually came to Deidara with ease, spoken in a suave calmness. But, when Kisame had questioned his new choice in attire, he had scrambled for an answer. Normal clothes for Deidara were often made of fishnet, tighter, and less modest, in a sense. Itachi had been in the room at the time, and the question had brought his unwanted attention. With Itachi's cold eyes boring threats into Deidara's psyche, the teenager spouted off an excuse, of which he had quite a plethora of, now.

"Looser clothes are more comfortable," or "they're easier to train in," or any other lie that would get the asker off his back. Kisame accepted the lie without a doubt, nodding off the confusion and heading out, with Itachi close behind him. In passing Deidara, their shoulders bumped together. Deidara hunched his shoulders to close in on himself, the brief, discreet contact jarred him just as much as if Itachi had punched him. A hint of a smirk passed over Itachi's expression in the moment Deidara glanced up at him. Deidara immediately lowered his gaze to the floor until he could no longer hear the footsteps walking away. Seconds ticked by until silence washed over the room. Deidara looked down to see that the clay he had been sculpting before the altercation had taken place, was now pulverized in his hand. Deidara cursed as he yanked the handle to the sink, washing away the remnants of what clung to his fingers, just the same way he washed away fear.

"Ow!" Deidara startled himself out of the reverie by pressing too hard on a wound he had on his stomach. He pried his shirt open for a quick inspection, worried it may have started bleeding again, but it didn't appear to be. The wound had several like it in different spots. Bruises, cuts, to places where teeth, nails or weapons had torn into flesh like starving animals. The wounds went untended—Deidara didn't see the point in taking care of them when he knew they would only be replaced or reopened again. Besides, it wasn't worth it. A _whore_ deserved to live like this.

Deidara's lips curled back into a grimace. A whore, a joke, that was all he was. That was all his peers considered him. The one person Deidara had respected in this god damn place had thought so, too, and he was _gone_. Sasori had left Deidara alone, and without that thin wall of intimidation, Deidara had lost a battle he hadn't even known he'd been fighting. How could he have? Who had the foresight to predict their own allies would turn against them—would do something like this to them? Deidara had never trusted Itachi, nor had he any reason to trust Hidan, but he had not thought them to be capable of this.

But, why not? They were all murderers, monsters, that's all they would ever be. Deidara was no stranger to cruelty in the world. He had committed murder, arson, and heinous acts, himself. To doubt the lengths of another's malevolence was a mistake only someone naïve could make. Deidara couldn't afford that, and he'd ended up on the wrong side of the consequences.

Hands came for Deidara, at night, in the dark. Detached hands that were cold enough to burn his skin. To make him writhe in sleep and wake up with his lungs barren and heaving. Behind his eyelids flashed images of a cold smirk, spinning crimson, and adroit hands. Hands that knew exactly where to press, and where to hurt. There would be a deep chuckle against his ear. There would be rough and calloused hands that bruised, and wielded blades that cut into Deidara's skin…

The memories were vivid, whether they were from a week ago or just that evening. Nothing ever dulled, they only seemed to grow stronger, more frequent. Deidara hadn't had a peaceful sleep in weeks. The words, the touches, the pain. None of it ever seemed to stop, now. It was a part of Deidara, and he didn't think he could ever recover from any of it.

"BANG! BANG!"

The sudden knocking at Deidara's door slammed him face first back into reality. He lifted his gaze from his hands and towards the door, as if it were a portal opening for a monster to step through. Few people would knock on his door, and he could make a guess on who it was. "What do you want?" he called through the door. Though, he didn't know why he even bothered. He hadn't even finished his question before the door was flung open and one bounding, chaotic boy burst into Deidara's room, as if he owned the place.

"Senpai!" Deidara regarded Tobi with the same expression he might a bouncy, dumb puppy. He might've wasted breath asking what his partner wanted, but there was no reason, Tobi was already launching into it. "Get up! We have to leave on a mission, Leader-sama wants us gone, right now!"

"Where are we—"

"Kirigakure! We can't let him down! He needs us to fetch a scroll that someone stole from our allies. We're to kill the thieves too, to punish them for crossing us!" Tobi punched the air to punctuate his sentence. He didn't notice (or perhaps didn't mind) Deidara's flat expression. How a capable ninja had enough energy and enthusiasm for a room of children was beyond Deidara. He'd long since tired of lecturing Tobi. Or, at least he didn't bother doing it every hour. Tobi wasn't going to change, and Deidara supposed he had gotten used to his partner's overactive glory. That infernal orange mask, though, Deidara was never going to get used to.

"Got it. Give me ten minutes, yeah." That's all he needed, just ten minutes to pull himself together. Behind Tobi, a looming figure passed by. Deidara froze where he was beginning to stand up, catching the gaze of a pair of cool, fuchsia eyes. Hidan didn't say a word as he walked past the room, but the wolfish smirk that crossed his lips spoke enough. Deidara stumbled in his movement. His voice also abandoned him in one whoosh, leaving him feeling like he was struggling underwater. Hidan was already gone, but the panic didn't follow him, it lingered with Deidara.

Tobi approached Deidara once Hidan had passed, leaning down a bit to look closer at Deidara due to the blond being a few inches shorter. "Senpai," Tobi cocked his head, "are you okay?" Tobi had noticed the way Deidara had faltered, his eyes zeroing in on Hidan, widened with horror. It was very out of character for his senpai, whom Tobi knew to be afraid of no one!

Frustrated and humiliated by the cold fingers of fear that wrapped around him, Deidara shook off Tobi's worry. "I'm fine," he muttered under his breath. The last thing he wanted was to have Tobi pattering off a plethora of "are you okay?" throughout the week. Straightening up, Deidara nudged past Tobi. "Let's get this over with, un. I don't want to have to hunt someone down in the middle of the night." Deidara hurled the excuse, already exiting the room. He stormed down the hall in hopes he might finally outrun the vitriolic feelings in him.

Deidara didn't notice Tobi standing, calmly, watching him.

* * *

Tobi was many things. Among those things were loud, fast, energetic, but above all, he was a liar. His personality was built on a foundation of deception, brick by brick of lies to create the inconspicuous persona. The secret had lived for years, hidden underneath a mask and a high-pitched voice, because the truth was that Tobi wasn't anything at all.

A cool gaze watched Deidara's back retreat down the hallway. Tobi waited until the boy had vanished completely before relaxing his stiff posture. It wore on one's nerves, living out a life as someone who wasn't you, but it was a price Tobi was more than willing to pay. For now, at least, this was a necessary sacrifice, no matter how weary it became. Tobi served a purpose, and damned if his use wasn't going to be drained dry.

"Tobi! Hurry up, un!" Tobi lifted his head when he heard Deidara's voice echoing down the hallway. A small smile curved the man's lips despite the heavy weight on his shoulders. Tobi had grown a bit fond of Deidara in the several months they had worked together, a partnership that Tobi himself had made the decision for. Sasori's death had come as a surprise and as a significant loss to the organization, one that had been a struggle. Rather than hunt for a subordinate to replace Sasori, Tobi instead chose to take Sasori's place. Deidara was a powerful asset, one Tobi wanted to keep an eye on, and in the end, it was turning against Tobi.

"Tobi!" Deidara's frustrated shout drew a scoff of laughter from Tobi. The boy had always been impatient, even into his early adulthood.

Lifting his head, Tobi cleared his throat and called back to Deidara, "coming, Senpai!" The voice grated even on his own nerves. Remind him, if he were to ever need another persona, to create one that was much less vivacious a character. It didn't suit him, anymore. With a quick readjustment of the mask, Tobi squared his shoulders and headed out of the door with the ever-present spring in his step. He passed through the dim corridor, leading out to one of few exits in the expansive underground base. This one opened into the mouth of a cave, where the darkness soon cut into blinding sunlight. Tobi covered the eyehole in his mask with a despondent screech, one that went largely ignored by Deidara.

Deidara glanced at Tobi as the boy struggled to collect himself. How many times had Deidara warned Tobi to cover his eye upon exiting the base? Enough to where the blond no longer had much pity for the idiot. Still, watching Tobi scramble for composure was funny, in a way that watching a child make a silly mistake might be. Deidara covered his mouth and turned his back to Tobi, covering up the would-be smile. "I have to focus, idiot. Calm down for a second."

Tobi quieted instantly at the order, gluing his attention to Deidara as the young man set a small clay bird on the ground. The pure white creation began to enlarge, burgeoning into a gigantic bird big enough to carry two full grown adults. Tobi clapped his hands at the show, only to pause and cock his head in apparent confusion. "Senpai, there's only one!" Deidara almost always made Tobi ride on a separate bird, he said it kept him sane.

"I know, dumbass, I'm the one who made it. Hurry up and get on it, yeah." Deidara folded his arms after uttering the impatient command. Tobi didn't need telling twice. It was clear Deidara wasn't in the mood to explain anything, so Tobi shut his trap and bounded up to the bird so that he could hop up on it. He whirled around and knelt on the bird, thrusting his hand down to help Deidara on. He always offered to help Deidara, though the blond usually smacked his hand away.

Deidara was apparently also not in the mood for that, either. With one cool look up at Tobi, he clasped the hand offered to him, and allowed Tobi to pull him up. Tobi did so with an unnerving ease—of course, Deidara had always been someone slight, compared to Tobi's own stature. Now, it was surprising how easy it was to pull Deidara onto the bird, as if he had lost weight in the last months. It was hard to notice any difference, with the baggy clothes Deidara had taken to wearing as of late. Immediately upon getting steady on the bird, Deidara yanked his hand from Tobi's grasp, clenching his fist at his side. Tobi could have thought he'd just burned Deidara, by such a reaction.

"Sit in the middle, un. I don't want you fucking falling off again." Deidara crouched on the bird and, with a quiet murmur, it began to rise off the ground. Tobi scrambled to get seated, clinging to the bird for support. Deidara glanced back once, just to reassure Tobi was steady. He didn't want to have to make a last-ditch rescue, again. Deidara's nerves were shot as it was.

"Senpai, I can see everything up here!" Tobi exclaimed, leaning precariously close to the edge to see over it. Deidara fought the urge to yank Tobi back to the middle.

"Get back, idiot. You've seen the same things countless times, they don't matter anymore, yeah." No response came after that, which wasn't as much of a relief as Deidara wanted it to be.

Tobi stilled, his eyes narrowing behind the protection of his mask. Deidara had never said something like that, the teenager had always had a vibrant way of looking at life. As painful as it was to speak the pun, Deidara lived explosively. To hear him speak with such nihilism roused suspicion in Tobi, and it wasn't the first time Tobi had had doubts, lately. He had known and observed Deidara before they were paired together, enough to read him pretty well. In the year that he had worked alongside the bomber, Tobi had noticed changes in Deidara's personality.

It hadn't been enough to warrant curiosity at first. A sobered appearance, a quieter disposition, nothing that Tobi would have considered out of the ordinary. Not until it began to grow more common...and until Tobi noticed the bags under Deidara's eyes. That had prompted questions, and concern over Deidara's sleeping habits, in the form of Tobi poking him about it. Tobi had noticed Deidara's pallid appearance and his skittish glances around the room, even if Deidara didn't realize Tobi was paying attention to him.

Tobi was always paying attention. He saw what he wanted to, regardless if others didn't.

Several seconds of silence passed with Tobi staring at Deidara's tense posture. "Senpai?" he ventured. Had he not been watching the blond, anticipating a reaction, Tobi would have missed the flinch in Deidara's shoulders. When no reply came, Tobi continued, because why would this fool ever stop? "You don't look very well! In fact, ever since Hidan—"

"Shut up." Deidara's cold, hissed words coupled with a glare over his shoulder. Tobi recoiled from the ice emanating in Deidara's expression, but not without emitting a startled squeak, first.

"I was only asking!" Tobi exclaimed, waving his hands in a gesture of surrender. The bird took a sudden drop, lowering towards the ground at an alarming rate that wrenched a cry from Tobi. Deidara, unaffected by the plummet, only stopped the bird when they were just inches from the ground.

"Well, don't." After spitting the words out, Deidara jumped off the bird before it touched down. Tobi didn't stop him, nor did he bother calling out after him. The wheels in his head were turning, searching for the pieces that were missing to his answer. Or rather, perhaps it was the question that still wasn't quite put together. Deidara had never been fond of questions, but that hadn't ever earned such an intense reaction. What had brought on such an outburst? He had been still until Tobi said Hidan's name, then his entire demeanor had changed within the span of a blink.

Tobi paused, just about to hop down. Deidara's behavior earlier, when Hidan had walked past them... Tobi had noticed Hidan's pause right in front of the door. He hadn't acknowledged the Jashinist at the time, he'd had his gaze on Deidara. Deidara had turned as white as a ghost, all in the moment Hidan had been there. The way he had lashed out when Tobi spoke the other man's name only served as fuel to the suspicion burning in the back of Tobi's mind.

It was hard to miss the way Hidan behaved around Deidara. He was crude, overly physical and knocking into Deidara, intimidating... It was usually how Hidan acted, but it was Deidara's reaction towards him that was worrying. Tobi set his jaw, sliding down off the bird and looking out towards Deidara. The young man stood off near the edge of the clearing, waiting on Tobi to begin scouting. The group had a camp nearby, where they lurked at the outskirts of a small town that they got their provisions from. The mission would be simple and fast, if all went well.

"Are you ready, un? Let's get it over with!"

Nothing was well, and Tobi wanted to learn why.

* * *

"That mission could have gone better, yeah." Deidara's sarcastic mutterings were, at least, a part of his personality that still appeared intact. Tobi trotted past the sulking blond, destination being a place to stay in the little town they were close to.

"Come on, cheer up, senpai! Look how cute this place is! They might have a perfect hotel for us to stay in!" Tobi turned over his shoulder, as if Deidara could see his expression. "Besides, we got the scroll! Mission success!"

"Mission success, if you consider blowing a crater in the ground and almost blowing the stupid thing up along with all those bozos, un." Deidara had the scroll secured in his pack, ready to deliver back to Pein, but there had been a bit of a…miscalculation. There were a lot more people in the snappy gang of wannabe anarchists than anticipated. They were also ranked nin, something not taken into account, as the intel had hinted none of them were ninja. Right, tell that to Deidara's clay pouch, which was half empty. The explosion had destroyed a patch of forest about a mile around in circumference, as well as most of the enemy nin. Hopefully all of them, but Deidara hadn't exactly thought to stop and count smoldering remains.

"Senpai, you usually consider a blowing a crater in the ground to be a victory!" Tobi was too busy talking over his shoulder to notice the door rapidly approaching his face, until he ran smack into it. Deidara snorted to stifle the laugh that erupted forth, but it only made him laugh even harder. He watched as Tobi held his head and proclaimed a threat to the door. "Why are you laughing? This thing could have seriously injured me! Senpai!" Tobi's whining got through to Deidara soon, though said blond was still holding an arm around his stomach to keep himself from busting a gut.

"You've fallen off my birds before, idiot. I don't think a door would've done you much damage, so get through it before you break it, un." Deidara reached past his mortally wounded partner and opened the door, prompting a cool blast of air to hit him in the face. It was much colder inside than it was outside, which was unfortunate, considering Kiri was nothing but a foggy icebox. Tobi trudged in behind Deidara, still bitter about the door incident. But, at the back of his mind, his consciousness had the tatters of a different problem at hand.

Tobi only listened with vague focus as Deidara ordered a room for the night. The receptionist was one small and anxious looking young woman, who watched Tobi the entire time instead of Deidara. She all but threw the key at Deidara once the payment completed. Before following Deidara up the stairs, Tobi gave an exaggerated bow to the burdened receptionist, and proceeded up the stairs two at a time. Deidara whipped around in Tobi's direction when the boy landed at the top of the stairs. The blond's arms were already reaching up to brace in front of him.

"It's just me!" Tobi's voice deepened for a moment, but it ended in an exclamation. Deidara's arms dropped and he scowled at Tobi, though what on earth he could have said wrong was beyond the masked boy.

"I know, idiot. You're just too loud." Deidara jammed the key into the lock and yanked the door open, miraculously not snapping the key off in the process. Anyone would have been reluctant to follow the storming boy into a room alone; but, Tobi was not anyone, and he trusted that he knew how to handle this.

Tobi shut the door and locked it, he even made a show of loudly clicking the lock and setting the key down on the bedside table. The one bedside table in the room. Because there was only one, queen sized bed. One. Tobi felt irritation crawl up the back of his throat, but he swallowed before it burned long. Deidara didn't comment on the arrangement, so Tobi shouldn't, either. The clerk may have mistaken Deidara for a woman, which didn't happen often. With the way Deidara's hair hid his face and the loose clothes hid his frame, perhaps it was a bit difficult to tell. Tobi would have to take the floor, but that was a step above sleeping outside, which might happen if he complained.

Deidara made to sit on the bed, but Tobi clicked his tongue in disapproval. "Shower first! You'll feel much better, and you'll get to sleep easier!"

The look Deidara aimed at Tobi could have frozen black flames solid. Tobi cowered back from the display, but if anything, the fact that Deidara got up and headed towards the shower was more of a fright. Deidara sometimes listened to Tobi's advice, but it was rare and far between. Tobi waited until he heard the shower turning on, then he heaved a heavy sigh full of too much weariness for Tobi to have in him. It was beginning to test him, continuing this. Now with the added suspicion that there was a threat to his partner's well-being, well. It was lucky that the physical mask didn't crack when the one inside his head did.

Tobi picked up the scroll that Deidara had set on the table, staring down at it with an interest that would have to wait until later. It contained a powerful jutsu, one that could wreak havoc in the wrong hands. Of course, some may believe their hands to be the wrong ones, too, but Tobi's plans did not consider them.

The shower cut off, ending the brief peace. Tobi turned when the door opened, letting out a burst of steam as well as a towel-clad Deidara, whose hair was loose and still damp from the shower. The blond was carrying his pack with him, but he paused when he saw Tobi holding the scroll. A fine brow cocked. "You planning on taking that and destroying the town, un?" It was obvious by the hint of a smile on Deidara's lips that he was kidding. He couldn't have had any idea that he was somewhat on the correct path, there.

"I wouldn't need a scroll for that, senpai!" Tobi set the scroll down again and turned around, snatching up his pack to head for his own shower. It was a quick affair, but Tobi did linger for a spell, wishing the hot water scrubbed away much more than blood and dirt. Once he stepped out to dry, Tobi glanced in the mirror. He looked again, taking in the features that were starting to grow unfamiliar. How long had he hidden behind that mask, how rarely did he take it off? His own face was starting to look strange to him. A deep sigh blew past Tobi's lips, exhaling reluctance to replace the mask. Perhaps there would be a good enough reason, someday; for now, this was who he was.

The door creaked in protest when Tobi opened it, as if it wanted to retire from a life of constant opening and closing. Tobi might have worried about the groaning noise, had he not looked to the bed and found Deidara already unconscious. The blond was curled up on his side, his hair down and spilled around the pillow. Tobi's gaze drifted towards a silver glint sitting on the bedside table—Deidara's eye scope. The sight took Tobi by surprise, because he almost never knew Deidara to take it off. At some point, Tobi had asked if Deidara even could, only to be met with a judgmental scoff.

To take the scope off was a mark of trust, one Deidara had once only shown Sasori. Tobi wasn't sure if he admired this honor, or pitied Deidara for it.

The floor did not look at all inviting, and the bed beckoned with a seductive warmth that Tobi didn't quite want to ignore. Deidara would be annoyed in the morning, but that infamous temper was a risk Tobi was going to take, tonight. The mattress dipped beneath his weight as Tobi slipped into it, the sheets were cool and smooth and much more inviting than the usual cold ground. The same weariness plaguing his head seemed to be drizzling into his body too, now. Tobi winced as the edge of the mask cut into his face. Sleeping with the damn thing was unpleasant, but was it worth the threat to take it off? Tobi usually woke before Deidara did, he should be able to put the mask back on before Deidara even noticed. The boy's curiosity had grown less and less over the months. Perhaps he wouldn't even comment on it, if Tobi kept his back to Deidara it shouldn't present much of a problem.

Tobi was arguing with himself. Maybe his sanity really was growing questionable. Reaching up, he slipped the mask off and moved to set it down on the floor beside him. He conked out before the mask was even out of his hand.

* * *

The turning point came in the middle of the night, the quietest time and where nothing felt quite real. Tobi woke several moments before he dared to move. He lay still, eyes closed and his hearing sharp as he tried to pick up on the sound that had awoken him. After another minute of nothing, Tobi began to doubt it was anything of importance, then it came again. It was a quiet, muffled noise that sounded like someone covering their voice behind their hand.

The bed shook underneath movement from Deidara, who had just jerked in his sleep. Tobi opened his eye, welcoming his vision to brief darkness while they adjusted quickly. He sat up in bed while assessing the room for any threats. It was an unbreakable habit for the man, by now. Nothing was out of the ordinary, it was all the same as when he and Deidara had fallen asleep.

The noise. Tobi heard a raspy inhale, one sucked in by desperate lungs, and glanced down. He'd heard the noise plenty of times in his life, the breathing of someone so terrified they could scarcely get enough air into their ashy lungs.

Beside him, Deidara had further curled in on himself, shrinking into the sheets like a child struggling to erase themselves from view. Time slowed as Tobi watched Deidara's expression contort into one of pain. No stranger to nightmares, Tobi considered turning back over and allowing Deidara to sleep it off, but something brought him to a pause. Deidara's lips were moving, and though it was barely audible, he was talking in his sleep. Tobi leaned a bit closer to see if he could discern what Deidara was saying. The words came rushed and breathless, but Tobi could still pick some apart.

"Please…get off…don't do this…not again…stop!" Deidara's voice went from an incoherent murmur into a pleading exclamation, pushing Tobi back a bit. Deidara lashed out, clawing at the sheets and shoving them away from him. His head shook back and forth wildly, making it a legitimate concern that he might give himself whiplash. Tobi hesitated before he reached out, waiting to see if Deidara might shake himself awake. The only thing Deidara did was continue to mutter incomprehensibly and toss and turn. Finally, before the blond could hurt himself, Tobi reached out and grabbed Deidara by the shoulder to keep him from falling off the bed.

Tobi might as well have torn Deidara's arm off, by the reaction he received. Deidara did wake up, violently, and he ripped himself out of Tobi's grip without even opening his eyes. Only after the teenager had bolted up and was safely out of grasp did he open them, as if just realizing he was awake. Glittering blue eyes pried open, greeted by several seconds of darkness. Gradually, a blurry figure came into focus, but it didn't register familiarity with Deidara.

Immediately, Deidara stood off the bed, his hands reaching for the clay pouch that wasn't attached to his hip. His eye scope still sat on the table, where it did him no good. Deidara felt as good as naked. "Who the fuck are you, yeah? Where's my partner?" Deidara demanded, pinning this stranger with a cold, impatient glare, only to find him not so unfamiliar at all. The man's face was mostly concealed by the darkness, but Deidara could see his stature, his build.

Deidara wavered a bit. He was not fully awake, his body and mind both exhausted, and he was still half in the nightmare. Deidara started to collapse under the immense weight, and if not for Tobi, he would have hit the floor. Tobi wrapped an arm around Deidara's waist and supported the boy's weight. The sheets fluttered back onto the bed, disturbed by the unnatural speed with which Tobi had moved. "Easy," Tobi muttered, lowering Deidara to sit on the bed, "you aren't in any danger."

"Let go of me," Deidara spoke in a strained voice. He relaxed once his command was obeyed. Tobi stepped back to allow Deidara the space he needed so much. "You—you aren't Tobi, un." Deidara's disoriented thoughts were running amok, and as clear as his question was in his head, he couldn't voice it exactly the way he wanted to.

Tobi lifted his chin a bit, keeping his eye shut, and Deidara's voice caught in his throat. It was a reaction Tobi expected, people were not…used to an appearance like his. "You're right, in a way," Tobi began, "I am Tobi, but it isn't my real name. I created him as a mask to use." There were many other lies intertwined with that of "Tobi" and his creation, but if those could be avoided for now, they were going to be.

Deidara's gaze rose, away from the scar marring Tobi— _the man's_ —face. "What's your real name?" Deidara wasn't sure if he was truly asking or if he was humoring the man.

Tobi opened his eye.

"My name is Uchiha Obito."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! This story is very old and I doubt any of the new readers will return to it, and frankly they shouldn't have to because I have changed some very deep elements of this fic. It was once a MadaDei story, but that was before the big revelation in the manga, I decided during the rewrite that I'm currently doing with everything, that I would change the main pairing and write in Obito instead. I was very hesitant about that decision, but I find it works better than Madara did and I can take a little more artistic liberty considering Obito is a bit more free-spirited and open than Madara.
> 
> I hope this decision flies with those who were old fans of this story, and if not, my deepest apologies and I'd be happy to email you the previous version of the fic, though it's a nightmare written by a fourteen-year-old. Still, do feel free to message me if you liked the Madara version better.
> 
> This story is very hard to rewrite, considering how unrealistic and OOC it was prior to me attempting it again, so it still will be no work of art; but it will at least be a step up from where it was before!


	2. Truths Hurt

Deidara's chest constricted. Just the sight of red in Tobi's eye was enough for his stomach to twist inside out. His ears filled with cotton and he could hardly hear, but the letters still formed. Uchiha, Uchiha, Uchiha.

Deidara stood again, no steadier than he was moments ago, and he stumbled back, away from Tobi–Obito. "You're one of them," Deidara hissed, putting every ounce of disgust and hate in his voice that he felt churning in his gut. It wasn't even for this man, it wasn't…but he bore the Sharingan, and that was worth Deidara's wrath.

"I know I've done enough to earn your annoyance, why add any others to that long list?" A smirk ghosted over Obito's lips and Deidara found it an odd sight, having grown so used to…well, to having to imagine what Tobi's expression was. All Deidara had ever come up with was an overenthusiastic, dopey grin.

Against his better judgment (which, admittedly, was lacking) Deidara scoffed. It was impossible not to, this guy—this was Tobi. He was still the same guy who had worked with Deidara for a year, maybe more. Certainly, he'd ghosted Deidara for longer than that with all those questions about art, and Deidara's techniques. He was the same guy who'd been cheerful and talked to animals, and… Deidara didn't want to accept this lie. "Why did you do this, all of this… You've been pretending to be—what, what was all this? You masqueraded as an idiot for over a year, yeah?" Deidara's shoulder slumped against the wall with an audible thump, only seconds before his legs would have given out on him. That might have done him some good, actually. Maybe a good hard hit to the head would wake him up from this ridiculous dream he was stuck in.

Obito shrugged his shoulders, still reminding Deidara something of Tobi. That cold depth in Obito's eyes was nothing like what Deidara knew, though. "I was doing it years before that. No one has known me as Obito since I was a kid, and I intend to keep it that way for a while longer." There was an underlying threat to Obito's otherwise casual tone. Deidara might not have been in a good headspace, but through the haze of struggling to piece together everything, he detected that subtlety.

"Who else knows?" Surely Deidara wasn't the only one, Pein had to know. "Leader-sama, he couldn't—"

Tobi cut him off with a raised hand. "You're going to start filling in gaps yourself, and that's not going to get anywhere." Tobi gestured to the bed first, a silent suggestion that Deidara return to sitting. "I haven't hurt you in all these months, I'm not going to start now." He almost sounded amused, if not for the lingering concern still dwelling deep in Obito's subconscious. Deidara's bitter defeat by Itachi was known, as was his hatred for the elder. But, there was a nagging suspicion that things ran deeper than what Deidara was showing. Deidara didn't move for a few silent moments, his gaze flicking between the bed and Obito. He had to give, though, and he sank down against the creaky mattress. His body sagged with relief.

"Good. Now, before you start trying to find your answers on your own, I want to warn you. This is not your concern, and I'm only going to answer what is necessary to keep you from causing any trouble." Deidara wasn't sure if he wanted to find out any other secrets, nor did he particularly like being spoken to like he was a nuisance. It wasn't his fault, it was Tobi's—fuck.

"You won't need to know the why or the how, and don't test your luck trying to seek out any information. Yes, Pein knows. I'm the one who appointed him to be the leader of the Akatsuki, after all." Obito drifted off, his attention falling from the unfortunate topic, that was his own fault, but still, unfortunate. His gaze landed on Deidara's shoulder. The shirt Deidara wore had lowered in the bustling about, exposing an expanse of sun-darkened skin and revealing a nasty wound. Teeth marks were apparent in the torn flesh, which, although it appeared to be healing, was still red and painful looking. "Your shoulder," Obito raised his eyes towards Deidara's, though it wouldn't matter, the boy wouldn't look at him. "That didn't happen during the mission. It's older. What happened to you?"

Defensiveness clawed its way up Deidara's throat before reasoning did. "It isn't any of your concern," he snapped, using Obito's own words against him. Reaching up to yank the shirt back up and over the wound, Deidara couldn't help a wince. It was still sore, even though it was days old. They never seemed to go away. "It happened during a personal outing, it's nothing but a minor catch from a stray kunai." Deidara's voice was smooth and detached during the explanation.

It was rehearsed. Obito took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, considering his options with this. He could force it out of Deidara. He had never failed to drag information out of unwilling people when necessary, but that wouldn't succeed far. Waiting had grown to be a strong skill of Obito's by now, though he loathed it, and it was the better choice when it came down to it. Deidara was a stubborn, defensive, and distrustful person. Pushing him into a corner would only make it worse, and Obito could already see a bad situation rising.

"Fine," the older man closed his eye and, although he couldn't see it, Deidara relaxed a smidgen. "I suppose I'm not the only one who can keep secrets?" Deidara grunted something affirmative. Obito opened his eye again, preparing to see if they could go back to sleep before morning crept onto them, but Deidara was already a step ahead. His body swayed a bit on the bed before nearly collapsing off it. If not for Obito, for the second time, preventing Deidara from concussing himself. "Damn it," Obito pushed Deidara back onto the bed, as careful as he could. Not once did Deidara move or give any indication he was going to wake up again soon.

Running a hand through his mess of dark hair, Obito sighed with frustration. This could grow to be dangerous if he didn't find the underlying cause of Deidara's harsh change in behavior. It was one thing being exhausted after a trying mission, but Deidara was a trained ninja. He was a skilled assassin, used to surviving for stretches of time without much sleep. What if next time there was no bed, and Deidara's body gave out on him in the middle of a fight? What if he passed out while navigating one of his birds? Deidara was either going to get himself killed or jeopardize a goal, and neither of those end games appealed to Obito. Deidara was too vital an asset, he was too important to lose.

Obito sank heavily onto the bed. What trust Deidara had put into him, into Tobi, was probably vanquished now. It didn't mean Obito wasn't going to continue trying to weave his way into getting answers. He hadn't spent years manipulating those around him only for it to fail him now.

Deidara shifted and Obito felt a pressure against his side as the blond pressed closer against him. Obito glanced down, surprised by the sudden, albeit subconscious movement. Deidara's brows knitted together, pulling his expression into a scowl. Raising hesitant fingers, Obito brushed them through Deidara's hair and pushed his fringe away. The creases in Deidara's face smoothed out as he began to relax. A reluctant smile graced Obito's features.

It was difficult getting comfortable in the bed again without waking Deidara up, but Obito managed. Falling asleep, on the other hand, was a bit of a different matter.

Morning came like a bullet to the chest. Deidara awoke with a start, unable to move and having grown hot. Panicked and not fully aware yet, Deidara shoved himself into an upright position, causing the arm draped over him to slip off. A yell had started to work its way up Deidara's throat before he began to recognize where he was. Clenching his jaw and locking the shout behind his teeth, Deidara swallowed the prior terror that he'd woken with. He was growing pretty used to waking up this way, though this morning, there were no lingering claws digging into his subconscious. There were no nightmares still clinging to him, even after he woke up. Not since he'd fallen asleep again last night. Even if it had only been a few hours, Deidara had slept without disturbance, a feat that hadn't happened in weeks…

Beside him, Obito hadn't yet woken up. Deidara held his breath for a moment to reassure himself the man was asleep; only then did he relax and slip out of the bed. He wanted to get ready and leave this dump sooner rather than later. The soreness in his muscles protested the movement so early in the morning, as did the few still-healing wounds. Deidara couldn't do anything about that. It was a part of the haunting heaviness that seemed to sit on his shoulders, now; a ghost whose claws and teeth were constantly sunk into Deidara.

Inside the bathroom (door locked, always) Deidara began to tie his hair up after he'd finished getting ready. He struggled not to look at the bags under his eyes or the way his skin looked so pallid and sick. It wasn't his own eyes that looked back at him in the mirror…they were hollow and belonged to something just as empty. How could Deidara accept that his own eyes could ever look so cold? How they could look so devoid and _tired_?

Outside, Deidara heard rustling and assumed Tobi—

Deidara wasn't going to get used to it. It was so ingrained in his mind, and he was so sick of things getting ripped out from underneath him. Deidara used to be able to sleep and wake up comfortably around Tobi. The guy had been annoying and frustrated Deidara, yes, but Deidara knew him. He had come to trust Tobi as a partner. Now what was Deidara supposed to do, accept this with open arms? Was he to pretend it was all fine and that it didn't matter? Well, maybe some things to him fucking mattered, and he didn't want to lie back, grit his teeth, and accept it!

A warm wetness began to spill down Deidara's fingers. Startled, he looked down to see a thin trail of blood dripping down his hand. On accident, he had been squeezing the sharp edges of the counter. "Great," he muttered to himself, sticking his hand under the sink to wash the thin cut. Neither of them were even here and they were still hurting him. Where was the end, and how did Deidara reach it?

Obito stood in front of the freshly made bed, trying to be patient and wait for his partner to finally come out. Deidara had been in there for several minutes now, in complete silence aside from a running sink, and Obito was beginning to grow restless. He had woken up when Deidara had bolted awake this morning, but he had decided against letting on. Deidara treasured privacy, and Obito was sure the morning could have gone worse had he started asking questions again.

His mask had been replaced now, uncomfortably sitting in its familiar place. He felt too bare without it. Regardless, he couldn't go without it, either way. When Deidara had finally come out of the bathroom, he paused when he found Obito standing at the door, ready to leave and with that vivid mask in place. Neither of them spoke for a moment, and Obito had no plans to, until Deidara smirked at him. "That's going to take getting used to, again. Are you…always going to keep it on, un?"

Obito's brows rose. Maybe he was a little grateful that the mask hid his expressiveness. "Aren't you fond of the mask, senpai?" He didn't say it in Tobi's voice, and that only made it sound stranger to Deidara.

Answering with nothing but a snicker, Deidara nudged past Obito to leave the room. It was a good enough answer. Following behind the bomber, Obito pushed his hands into his pockets. "When we aren't alone, yes. This is going to remain a secret until I don't need it anymore. Remember that, Deidara."

Right, secrets. Deidara was no stranger. "Keeping shit to yourself isn't always going to pay off."

The words came mumbled so lowly that Obito almost doubted he'd heard them at all. "You—" Deidara was already walking too far ahead of him for Obito to get another word in. That was the apparent end of the almost-conversation. For now, at least, Obito could add it to his growing list of suspicions, which was already getting extensive. It would be useful to start bulleting answers alongside all the questions.

The journey home was mostly quiet, which was a nice change of pace. Obito could get used to not having to waste his breath chattering, and Deidara could enjoy some peace, now. It wasn't as rewarding as Deidara might have thought. With the newfound silence, he found it harder to keep his thoughts on track. They insisted revisiting the memories Deidara was trying so hard to bury, to forget, but they were seared into his head. He wanted to just rip out his own eyes so that he would never have to see anything ever again.

"Deidara," Obito started, but it didn't appear to reach Deidara. He hesitated in touching the blond again, in case it caused him to startle too bad, so he opted for trying to call him again. "Deidara, we're almost there."

Deidara only acknowledged that by looking out, towards their oncoming destination. The thought of home, or, what passed as home, made Deidara's empty stomach churn. He was lucky it was empty, otherwise he'd be leaning over the edge right now. "Brace yourself," Deidara muttered, preparing to descend.

Observing Deidara's grim expression made accusations brim at Obito's lips, but he commented on none of them. Instead, he opted for a more casual approach. "You don't seem too pleased at the thought of returning so soon," he said, despite it being glaringly obvious.

Deidara cut his eyes to the side. "I don't know what you're talking about, un. It's the same as ever, an ice-cold cave full of ice-cold bastards."

"How long are you going to keep this up, Deidara?" That cool, collected tone of voice served to put another crack in Deidara's crumbling wall. If he was trying so hard to hold it up, why was everything in the fucking world leaning against it?

Deidara stood up before the bird had settled. So well trained to handle all forms of turbulence and shaky landing, Deidara maintained his balance without much trouble. Standing above Obito and hardening a glare at him still didn't make Deidara feel big. Even when he was facing nothing but that ridiculous mask, and that only pissed him off. "I'm not keeping _anything_ up, un. It's you who's trying to place words in my mouth, now. Fuck off and leave it alone!"

Deidara dropped down, not even bothering to stick around and shrink the bird again before storming off towards the base. He was eager to lock himself away. He liked it better when the only questions he had to answer were about art, or birds, or something else trivial. He didn't have to worry about his own partner dogging him, now he had to dodge that, too? Another part of his world that just wanted to come crashing down around him? Fine. Deidara was fine, he had dealt with worse.

There was an instant, sharp drop in temperature when Deidara entered the base. It entered his bones and jarred them. Even the cloak did little to protect against the chill permeating the dim corridors of this place. Where every shadow loomed menacingly and your own footsteps sounded like explosions. He had left Obito to complete the missions report, which he hoped wouldn't come back to bite him later. After all the times he'd done it because he thought _Tobi_ couldn't, well. It was Obito's turn.

The ominous walk through these long, winding corridors was making Deidara's heart sink lower and lower. He could almost feel it bouncing around his shoes. The innate reflex of looking over his shoulder revealed he was the only one there. Yet, he still couldn't shake off the impending feeling of something bad coming. The entrance to his room came into view and he picked up the pace a little. It was hard to imagine anyone ever learning their way around the maze of inner passageways, but it did eventually ingrain itself into your mind. Deidara placed his palm against the camouflaged stone entrance and expelled a small amount of chakra to open it. Each room required the chakra signature of one of the Akatsuki members to open it.

The door opened and Deidara exhaled a sigh of relief. He had just started to step in when a hand reached out from behind him and covered his mouth.

* * *

It was a miracle on its own to not run into anyone else on the way to Pein's quarters. Obito wanted nothing more than to toss the scroll down and move on to his own private room, which was more secluded, deeper in the base. The other organization members thought Tobi resided wherever Zetsu did to afford everyone else some peace. It was partially true, but it was for Obito's peace and privacy, not theirs. Only Pein and Deidara knew where Tobi's room was.

Obito knocked once on the entrance into Pein's office and entered without waiting for any acknowledgment. Pein was sat at his desk, studying a recent missions report turned in by Kakuzu earlier in the day. Neither of them looked at one another as Obito passed by, setting the scroll down on Pein's desk as he did. Pein glanced at it. "Deidara made you bring it, this time?" Pein was used to seeing the blond turning in scrolls, reports, and other valuables, often grumbling about Tobi being next to useless.

Obito grunted something vague. "He was eager to return to his room," he commented, sounding as though his thoughts were anywhere but there.

"I wonder why that is." Pein sounded amused, to Obito. When the dark-haired man didn't respond, Pein tore his gaze from the report and pinned an inquiring look to Obito. "What did you do, Obito?" The light curiosity had turned into accusation, now, though Obito supposed he deserved that.

"He knows," Obito stated bluntly. There was no reason to sugarcoat the subject, Pein was already immune to it. "There was an incident and he saw me without the mask."

"What incident?" Pein reached for his temple to press his fingertips to it, hoping to stave off the oncoming headache. "How much did you tell him?" Pein's concern didn't stem from personal concern, it was about Deidara trying to turn against them with this. Deidara was valuable, but he was not irreplaceable if it became unavoidable.

"That's irrelevant now," Obito paused as he turned to look at Pein, "and I don't want any questions on that." Pein narrowed his eyes at the order, of which he was used to giving, not receiving. Nonetheless, he nodded his head in understanding, and Obito continued. "He knows my name and that I'm the one behind this organization, he has no need to learn more than that. He understands the consequences of speaking about this and I trust he won't."

Pein shook his head, but he didn't risk commenting. Obito's words were often final, and his protest would do no good when it was already done. Deidara was young and rash, and not someone Pein entirely trusted to not attempt breaking out with this. He was recruited against his will, regardless of how well he worked, now. "Fine. I have no choice but to accept your decision, as it is. Keep an eye on him at least, I want to make sure he truly understands the weight of this."

Obito made a vague noise, distracted by his own thoughts. He was hardly paying attention to Pein's words, aside from when the man told "him keep an eye on him" which Obito was already struggling to do as it was. "I'll worry about it, Pein. Return to what you were doing." With the dismissal still hanging in the air, Obito left Pein to his work and headed towards his own room. It might have been true, Deidara could present a threat, but Obito didn't anticipate it. Deidara was busy fighting something entirely different.

It was Obito's duty to ensure his people were at their best, to present capable and fit ninja. Deidara fell under that category. Nothing more, nothing less, and nothing personal. Obito was going to learn what was behind Deidara's sudden faltering behavior, and he was going to erase it.

* * *

If only Deidara had screamed—maybe they would have at least knocked him unconscious.

It wouldn't have mattered, it would have still happened, whether Deidara was awake to scream or not. Hands that ripped at his clothes and hungry mouths that crushed onto his didn't care.

Fingers buried into Deidara's hair and yanked his head back, exposing his throat into an arch. There were only two pairs of hands on him, but it felt like dozens clawing at him, tearing off clothes, scratching at his skin and leaving welts. A deep voice hissed against his ear, heavy with pleasure. Bile burned in his stomach as his body struggled to find an outlet for the disgust. A thick intrusion pushed further into Deidara's throat, pulling another gag from him. "You can't fucking do anything right, can you? How many fucking times have you done this already, relax your damn throat."

Deidara opened one eye, ignoring the tears glistening in them so that he could manage a hate-filled glare. Lust hooded in the fuchsia eyes watching the display. Having Deidara's lips stretched around his cock didn't make the defiant expression worth anything. "Go on bitch, fight again." Deidara felt the sharp scrape of nails digging into his hips, nothing compared to the ache pushing deep into him. Deidara shut his eyes tight as trails of bitter tears wet his cheeks and mixed with saliva dripping from his mouth. The grip on Deidara's hair tightened and pulled his head further back, while sharp teeth dug into the flesh of his shoulder. Blood spilled down Deidara's back.

The blond groaned around the cock shoving in and out of his mouth. No matter how hard he tried to close his eyes and shut himself up inside, he couldn't get away from it. The hands that burned into place on his flesh, the fierce ache of being forced to accept his attackers' bodies into and onto his own... The pain never lessened, he never got used to it, and he tried so hard to prepare himself for it. Nothing had ever made Deidara feel so helpless, so useless with his own _fucking body_. Nothing could ever prepare him for it, he would never get used to it, and it was never going to stop.

Deidara tensed when the pain in his lower back intensified, hips slammed into his and made lewd noises that snapped off the walls. Deidara yanked on his arms. It was reflex, not even a real attempt to pull away, but to make the pain stop. The teeth tore deeper into his shoulder and he heard an irritated sigh from behind him. Deidara shuddered as long hair spilled across his back, and a cool voice hissed against his ear. "Do you want me to break your arms, Deidara? You'll be even more useless than you already are. Look at how pathetic you are, letting us do whatever we want to you."

Deidara yanked harder, then, spurred by his rage at listening to that implication. That wasn't true, none of it was true, he would never let any of this happen. He couldn't stop it. If he could…if he could, he'd have killed them both. The hand in his hair jerked Deidara forward suddenly, cutting off his already shallow air and forcing his throat to stretch. He choked and tried to suck in a desperate breath, his lungs and throat already burning, only to choke on the warm liquid spilling into his mouth. Even when the intrusion was finally taken out, Deidara could do nothing but cough and gasp in a frantic hope he'd get air into his lungs, too.

A hand cracked across his face, snapping his head to the side. "Maybe if you'd learn how to do the one fucking thing you're good for, you wouldn't choke, bitch." Deidara didn't dare to look up again, he couldn't bear letting either of them see the wetness in his eyes anymore. The body behind Deidara leaned too heavily onto him, snapping against his aching hips. Warm liquid trailed down Deidara's inner thighs, a sight of red against the sheets that made his stomach flip inside out. It was almost always this way, something had to give, and if they had to tear their way inside of him, they were going to. Deidara's body was nothing but an outlet. Without anything muffling him, Deidara's pained voice echoed back to him off the walls, as if he were mocking himself, too.

The thrusting against him stilled, jerking to a halt deep inside his protesting body and spilling over torn muscles. Deidara screamed, anguished and humiliated over getting used, at getting hurt this way. His body gave out, heaving with exertion and pain once he was released. Something in his arm cracked when he landed wrong and Deidara winced, choking on his own voice to stifle the sob threatening to burst his chest. "Fucking slut," Deidara heard one of them mutter, but he couldn't tell which one anymore. They had started to blend together into the same blurry monster.

A hand shoved between Deidara's thighs and squeezed his flaccid cock, drawing a pained cry from the blond's swollen lips. "This is all you're good for. Stop your fucking crying unless you want me to give you something to cry about." A miserable noise crawled up Deidara's sore throat, but, finally, the hand pulled away and no more placed on him. Their imprints were still simmering on his flesh all the same. A shadow remained standing over him for a moment, silent. Deidara willed himself to lift his head from the damp sheets and look up into the haunting glint of red that stared down at him.

"Get out," Deidara's ragged voice commanded, though to any trained ear it, sounded more like a plea. He couldn't muster the energy to be intimidating, he could barely muster the energy to even hold his head up. Itachi's lips curled back with some form of upset, perhaps disdain, but Deidara didn't care. He only cared about the older man leaving, and the blissful sound of the door shutting.

Deidara could breathe clearly again, but it didn't feel like it at all. His chest was tight and his lungs felt like they were shrinking. How could he let this happen? How had it gotten to this—to him turning into nothing but a pliant fucking toy? Deidara couldn't even call himself a ninja anymore, he was a weak excuse for one and he couldn't fight off two people? Deidara grit his teeth as a sob wracked his body, digging his fingers into the sheets and starting to drag himself up. Blood and semen stained between his legs, along with the sheet he wrapped around his battered, nude form.

He stumbled out of his room, chest still heaving and _still_ not sucking anything in. Deidara's vision was unfocused and his head was dizzy, filled with cotton and pounding. He had let this happen and he kept letting happen. Hidan was right. Itachi was right. Deidara was good for one fucking thing only, and even then, he still couldn't do it right. Shame spilled from Deidara's eyes; shame, pain, and anger. He didn't deserve anything else, not if he couldn't protect himself. A ninja suffered because they were weak. Because they couldn't defend themselves and prevent something terrible from happening. A ninja lost.

Deidara had _lost_.

Stumbling down the hall, where the only noise was the thudding in Deidara's ears, he slumped against the doorway to the room he was looking for. His chakra spilled from him in a burst that was too much, but the door still took pity and slid open at the command. Deidara leaned heavily in the doorway, looking every bit as tattered and out of place as he felt to the stunned eyes that looked to him. It didn't matter, none of that mattered. Deidara needed right now. He didn't know what it was he needed, but it felt important. Standing on shaky legs, Deidara parted bloodied lips and managed to gasp out what he needed, just before he sunk to his knees on the ground.

" _Tobi—"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAN, this story is not fun at all to rewrite, hot damn. Who let fourteen-year-old me have a laptop back then? I can hardly reread all that junk, much less try my damndest to make it more presentable. I'd rather just put wrap my bombing son in a blanket and call it a day.


	3. Monsters Among Men

Deidara was a terrible sight. the sudden and violent commotion left Obito stunned for a moment. It took Deidara's collapse to propel him forward to the blond's side. "Deidara, how bad are you hurt? What happened?" Deidara's entire body heaved, and Obito couldn't tell if it was an attempt at talking or if Deidara's body was struggling to empty his stomach. Deidara already had nothing in it but disgust. Moving slow, as if afraid he might somehow hurt Deidara further, Obito hooked an arm around his partner's waist and helped him off the ground.

Deidara's disheveled hair stuck to his face, damp with sweat and tears. He buried his hands in the front of Obito's shirt and held tight, even when they reached the bed, Deidara was afraid to let go. He didn't want to let go, he wanted to hold onto this shield, the last that he had. The last time Deidara had lost a shield, he'd lost his body. He didn't want to lose any more.

"Deidara," Obito tried again, "you need to talk to me." Obito's voice faltered between harsh and soft as he struggled to find the median between being in control and being a partner. Obito had only ever given commands and manipulated the scenes while staying behind them.

Deidara shook his head, causing his hair to fly about his shoulders, but no sound came forth. Obito clenched and unclenched his hands, frustrated with Deidara's refusal to comply. He started to stand up when he glanced down, Deidara's nudity now registered in his head. He had been a little preoccupied at the time to access Deidara's appearance, but now it was sinking in. Obito's gaze traveled down Deidara's hunched-over form. The sheet covered most of Deidara's skin, but the expanses of flesh still exposed revealed bruises and deep indents.

Deidara pressed his thighs together, but it was too late. Obito saw the splotches of white and red intermixing, coloring a sickening pink. A string tightened inside of Obito's chest, pulling taut and cutting a divide between Obito's sense of logic and his sense of righteousness, a tiny compartment he had never completely crushed. "Who did this to you?" Obito was no longer soft. He was angry, he was furious, he knew one of his own men had done this to Deidara and he was not going to forgive it. As a child of war, Obito had seen countless heinous acts, had committed dozens of them himself. To force his body onto someone in this way?

Obito would sooner take death.

Tendrils of guilt have begun to wind around Deidara's heart, squeezing it raw. How could he have been so foolish as to come running here? He had been so panicked that it had robbed him of rational thought. His subconscious had one thought in mind, and it had taken Deidara here. This was not what he'd wanted, though—Tobi wasn't here. Tobi was just another thing taken away from Deidara, another piece of his wall torn down. The wall wasn't even a wall anymore, it did nothing to protect him, it was nothing but a pathetic pile of crumbled brick, now. Every time another piece fell, it seemed to land on Deidara and do further damage.

Wrapping the cloak around himself even tighter, Deidara shook his head, denying any answers. On shaky legs, he tried to stand up, but the floor beneath his feet swayed and rolled beneath him. He might as well have been trying to walk across quicksand. He stiffened when a hand grasped his elbow and almost immediately tried to nail Obito right in the chest. It was only due to Deidara's poor state that Obito had managed to sidestep the attempt. "Easy," Obito let go of Deidara and a took a step away, moving himself between Deidara and the door. Deidara was embarrassed by the way he had overreacted to such a meaningless act. It was growing increasingly common. Every touch, every sound that Deidara heard but didn't know the source of. Instead of dealing with it through a normal approach, panic overrode almost every other sense of realism.

"You need to stay here for the night, Deidara."

Deidara's expression twisted into one of horror, though brief, it was still painstakingly clear. "No, I won't, I have to go back!" Words were tripped over and rose between mumbling and rising in pitch, leaving Deidara to sound as if he barely knew how to talk. It did nothing to help his own case, but it solidified Obito's.

"No, you don't. I won't allow it, I won't let this continue." Whatever this was, it was not going to happen again. Obito had allowed it to for god knows how long, now it was over. Deidara might be incapable of standing up to protect himself, but Obito wasn't, and he was going to put a stop to this. "If you won't tell me what happened, who is responsible for _this_ ," Obito hissed out the word and gestured at Deidara's terrible state, "then you're going to stay here where I can stop it happening."

"You don't understand!" What if Itachi suspected Deidara had told? That promise came rocketing back into Deidara's mind, clear as day.

"Breathe a word of this to anyone, I'll put you into a nightmare you'll never wake up from." It was a threat Deidara knew Itachi would go through with, he had done it once, nothing would hold him back from doing it again. Certainly, not one person.

"Deidara, breathe." Deidara's ragged breathing had grown shallow and quick, his chest heaved but barely sucked anything into his lungs. Glassy blue eyes looked up at Obito, and every word that Deidara couldn't say aloud was vibrant in that one look. Deidara couldn't make this stop, but he needed someone who could. "You are safe. I'll make sure of it." Obito couldn't bring himself to add a promise to the end. Every time he had made a promise, it ended up broken, no matter how he tried to keep it.

Deidara looked down, shutting his eyes. He didn't have the conviction in him to fight the decision. The only thing Deidara wanted was for this to end. "You don't understand, yeah," Deidara said, as if anything could deter Obito at this point.

"Not if you won't let me." Deidara's eyes flew open and he looked, startled, at where Obito stood before him. "You need to shower, please, at least do that. I'll be gone for a second, but I'll lock—"

"Don't." It was one word, but it made Obito pause the second Deidara spoke. Deidara was still, as was Obito, for the moment it took Obito to nod in agreement.

"Fine, I won't. You can wear something of mine until we can get you your own." Deidara conceded to this and finally headed into the bathroom. Obito exhaled a long sigh that he hadn't known had been trapped in his chest. In a way, he felt relieved to finally put his suspicions to bed. In another, he felt as if he'd yet to make any progress at all. Obito shook it off. Deidara was out of danger now, and it would stay that way.

That didn't mean Obito didn't want those responsible to be crushed in his hand.

* * *

Once inside the privacy of the bathroom, Deidara pried his fingers apart to drop the cloak. It was a painful process; he hadn't realized how hard he had been holding onto it. The water was hot. Scalding, even, and it still did nothing to make Deidara feel clean. He scrubbed and clawed at his skin, now red from the burning hot water, and still could not wash away any of the filth that clung to him. He had scrubbed until the water was frigid, almost turning his lips blue. His skin was pink and sensitive to the touch, but that didn't stop Deidara from rubbing at it with a towel until he was raw.

The mirror was an unwelcome guest. Inside of it stood that hollow, sick looking boy that Deidara hated so much. This time, he looked much worse. His skin was covered in bruises and torn-up bite marks. He looked disgusting. It made Deidara want to scream at him. Why do you look this way? Why did you let it happen? Why didn't you do anything to stop it?

There wouldn't be any answers, though. Deidara had tried before.

Unwilling to touch the cloak again, Deidara knocked on the door and told Obito he was ready for the clothes. It was a silent exchange with the door cracked just enough, but Deidara didn't mind the quiet. It was easier. The clothes were loose on Deidara's shoulders and hips, but they weren't too big that they were uncomfortable to wear. Deidara actually liked them, they didn't cling to him, they didn't smell like him either. They smelled familiar and earthy.

Outside, Deidara found Obito sitting on the bed, his fingers against his forehead and his eye shut in thought. Deidara couldn't bring himself to look away, at first. He had tried in the past to get his partner to take the mask off. He looked nothing like what Deidara might have anticipated, and it was under an awful circumstance, but... Deidara couldn't stop a feeling of curiosity. Obito didn't look much older than Deidara, though he surely was. The scars on Obito's face were strange, unlike any Deidara had ever seen. A part of him wanted to ask what could have caused them, what could have lost Obito an eye; the other part assured Deidara he did not need to know.

Obito looked up, then, and Deidara stiffened, feeling much like an animal caught in a trap. "Deidara," Obito sounded weary, "here, take the bed. I'm afraid I can't heal, I'm no medic. The best we can do is put medicine on the wounds."

Deidara's lips curled, not in favor of the idea, but any of the injuries getting infected was much less appealing. That was enough to coax him into letting Obito fetch the bottle of disinfecting medicine, a sharp smelling, cool gel. Deidara took off the shirt, sat on the bed, and moved to lay on his stomach. He felt the bed dip beneath Obito's weight and took a deep breath, struggling to calm his nerves and wait for the oncoming sting to start.

The gel was cold when it touched Deidara's skin, but it felt like fire seeping into the wounds. Obito knew no words of comfort would matter, it wouldn't take away any of it, so he simply worked. Deidara had to shift a bit for all the wounds to be tended to, and exhaustion had begun to set in. By the time Obito finished, Deidara's breathing had evened out and he had relaxed. Obito sighed and wiped his hands off; one problem was taken care of now, at least Deidara could start recovering, piece by piece.

Obito looked down at the sleeping blond, and at how relaxed Deidara was. He hadn't seen Deidara look this peaceful in weeks. Dread gnawed at Obito's stomach for the nth time. How long had this been happening to Deidara, and why had he kept it to himself without doing something about it? Obito couldn't fathom allowing something like this to continue if he knew he could put a stop to it, or, at least, if someone else could.

Maybe Deidara had not thought anyone else would.

Feeling ill, Obito began to stand up. He suspected Deidara would feel safer not having to share the bed, but before he had even gotten up, Deidara grumbled something sleepily. "You don't have to go anywhere."

Surprised, Obito let his weight sink back down onto the bed. Deidara said nothing more, and Obito assumed he'd fallen asleep. It wasn't that he felt uncomfortable, but just uncertain. He was not who Deidara thought he was, and he didn't want to continue from that as if it had been real. None of it had been, it had been necessary to form that bond to prevent any suspicions from rising. People did not suspect a foolish idiot who was barely a ninja. Deidara couldn't cling to that and trust Tobi, who wasn't here.

Even if the way Tobi had wanted to protect Deidara still was.

* * *

It had been ages since Deidara had last slept an entire night. When he woke up, he felt disoriented, but that sticky tiredness didn't linger. Deidara's entire body pulsed with aches and pains when he tried to move. He decided it might not be a good idea, just before something beside him groaned drowsily. Deidara started in surprise, having forgotten what had transpired last night. Having your memory jogged so suddenly wasn't exactly a nice feeling, it almost left Deidara nauseous. "T–Obito?" Deidara caught himself mid-syllable. He tried pushing himself up, but his muscles trembled beneath the effort.

The wounds were sore, but it wasn't like yesterday…nothing like yesterday. Deidara thought he might go back to his room, forget that this had happened. He didn't want to pile any trouble onto his already heaping plate, but Obito's words from last night were still ringing in Deidara's ears. Deidara didn't believe that any of it was going to stop—it was too late for that. But he wanted to believe Obito could do something. He needed to believe that much. Things had gotten so violent, so reckless, Deidara held no doubt that one of them was going to kill him someday.

Deidara had convinced himself that it wouldn't be the worst option, that nothing could hurt anymore if he wasn't breathing. But he didn't have that in him. Dying by someone else meant losing, and Deidara was not ready to give up.

Deidara was angry.

Obito moved beside him, starting to sit up, and Deidara shifted over a little to let him. At some point during the night they had gravitated towards each other; at least, Deidara had woken up smashed into Obito's side. Deidara rolled a bit so that he could face Obito (that whole getting up idea was still in the gutter) and noticed the man's hair was mussed from sleep. It gave Obito a more approachable appearance. Deidara wanted to smile, but Obito had turned to glance at him, and he didn't want to explain why he was smirking.

"Did you sleep any?" Obito asked, his voice gravelly from sleep. Deidara hummed in affirmative, leaning his head back down onto his arms. Obito stood, then, tossing the blanket back over Deidara as he left the bed. "How bad is the pain today?" Obito dressed while he spoke, but he glanced at Deidara when he asked.

"It's not as bad as last night," Deidara answered, quiet but honest. He was proud, frankly, it was a struggle to be honest with even himself. "I'll use the medicine again, until they're healed up."

"Until then, it isn't a good idea for you to strain your body. Hold back until you're healed, and you will be kept off missions." Obito's order brooked no disobedience, though Deidara wished he could. Staying inside the base was like sitting in a cage with a starving animal; all you could do was wait until it pounced. He nodded his consent nonetheless, more for his body's sake. He had tested its limits countless times before, but those limits were getting closer and closer.

"I have to meet with Pein today. Will you be all right, on your own?" Deidara scoffed and, when he pushed himself up this time, there were no tremors. Obito had not meant it that way, but Deidara couldn't help the way his pride took the hit.

"I'll be fine. I'll take it easy, like you asked, un." Deidara sat at the edge of the bed, his hair disheveled and loose around his shoulders. When Obito looked at him, his eyes held a familiar gleam, even if it wasn't nearly as fierce as before.

"Come back to this room when you're ready. Don't return to your own." With that, Obito left, sealing the door behind him.

Deidara looked at the ground, shaking his head at his own feet. "I didn't really like going back there anyway, yeah." It felt less like home and more like a chamber, where one awaited a sentencing. Deidara wouldn't stay cooped up here all day, at least, and he soon left the room to head out. It was more that the grumbling of his stomach didn't want to stay put any longer. Deidara had put almost all his needs behind his fear, lately, including hunger. He would hide away in his room in hopes of avoiding either of his tormentors.

He was just so tired, and so fed up, and when did it end?

Did it end with him?

The kitchen was empty, as Deidara expected it to be, and he was free to fix a quick meal and eat it just as fast. He barely tasted the rice and pork, he scarfed it down. It made the light-headedness dissipate a little, to have a full stomach again. Deidara had finished washing the dish when he heard someone heading into the kitchen. The hair on the back of Deidara's neck stood up, and he had just turned around to leave. It was just too late.

"Bitch," Hidan sneered the word, leaning in the door way and looking every bit like he commandeered the entire place. Deidara leaned back against the counter and swallowed a wince of pain. Cool, hardened eyes regarded Hidan, waiting. It was all Deidara could do, wait. Guessing only ended with the wrong choices made, he had to bide his time instead, and see what Hidan was going to do. "Why weren't you in your fucking room this morning?" Hidan's eyes had narrowed into a scowl, but his lips were sent into a smirk. It was a terrible, unnerving expression.

Deidara's heart began to sink. He didn't have a reply, he had no lie set up, nothing came forward. He had always had a set of excuses at the ready, had he swallowed all of them when he swallowed his fear, last night? "I don't have to stay in one place and just wait for you, un."

That wasn't what Deidara wanted to say, and he couldn't tell between them who looked more surprised. Hidan's surprise soon dropped, though, and a heavy laugh made the air in the room fall several degrees. "Where the fuck did you get your balls from, slut? Do I have to beat it out of you again?" Hidan started towards Deidara, who reached for his hip reflexively. He had stowed a kunai there, taken from Obito's room. It was just in case.

Now was that case. Deidara's wrist twisted and the kunai went sailing across the room. He didn't expect it to deal damage, Hidan was just as trained and capable a ninja as any of them, but Deidara needed the distraction. And, distract it did. Hidan dodged to the right, but the wall there prevented him from avoiding it completely, and the kunai sliced into his bicep. The Jashinist swore aloud and whipped his head towards Deidara, a snarl on his mouth. "You'll pay for that, you fucking—"

"Stay away from me," Deidara cut off Hidan's threat with a hiss of his own. His hands clenched at his sides as he stared at Hidan, aching with rage. "I'm not letting either of you touch me again, I'm _done_." Deidara's voice had been rising until he was shouting at Hidan. Months of suppressed pain and fury were contained in the words, spilling out of them. They still didn't come close to expressing the torrent inside of Deidara.

Hidan swore in his native language, words Deidara had never picked up. "You're nothing anymore, you're just a fucking _je-sungu_ now, and that won't fucking change because you got a shitty pair!"

Deidara knew what that meant, a whore. "You can't take anything else away from me, un. You're just a pathetic excuse of a shinobi who forces himself onto anyone he can get his hands on!" Deidara spat, wishing he had the kunai to run through Hidan's throat. It wouldn't kill him, but it might just be satisfying enough to be worth it.

Hidan was across the room before Deidara could continue, but before he could circle his fingers around Deidara's wrist, a voice broke in. "I've been looking for you!" They both looked up to find Tobi in the doorway, his hands clasped and looking completely unaware of what had been about to transpire. Hidan made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat and straightened up, moving away from Deidara. "C'mon, I want to show you something! I made a sculpture of my own!"

Deidara stood frozen for a second, struck by how strange it was to see Tobi, now. He shook it off and nudged past Hidan to comply with his partner's wish. The brief brush against Hidan's shoulder made goosebumps rise on Deidara's skin. Tobi grabbed Deidara by the hand once the boy was close enough and began to trot off, rattling on about the sculpture. Deidara was numb and silent all the while, unable to even feign annoyance.

Once they were close to Obito's room, the act dropped, as was Deidara's hand. Obito unsealed the door to let them both in, remaining quiet all the while. It made Deidara a little wary to come inside with him. "Are you hurt?" Obito's first words were a question, and he didn't even turn to look at Deidara. He was facing the door, after sealing it shut again.

"No, nothing happened, un," Deidara replied tightly. His head was down, but he watched Obito through his eyelashes, waiting to be faced. It didn't happen. Several seconds passed with neither of them speaking again. When the silence was broken, it was quiet, and yet it still shook the entire room.

"It's him, isn't it?" It was barely a question.

Deidara coughed, having choked on his next breath, "what?" He had heard, but he hadn't processed it.

Obito turned this time, his jaw was set and the tomoe in his eye were spinning at a dizzying speed. "It's him. It was Hidan who's been doing this to you." This time, there was no question at all.

Deidara sat on the bed hard, his balance lost. The weight that had been crushing the bones of his shoulders had lessened, throwing him completely askew. It was all the answer Obito needed. He closed his eye and turned away, unable to contain the repulsion and guilt that brewed in his chest. Right in front of him, it had all happened in the open, and still they let it continue.

Inhaling slowly, Deidara tilted his head back and looked at the ceiling. It was halfway there, he had to get it all out of his system. He wanted it all expelled from him. "It's not just him."

Obito stilled, uncertain if he had heard right for a moment. The wall was used for support as the Uchiha straightened and leaned against it, facing Deidara fully. He was offering his attention as a plea for Deidara to continue. "Who else?" Obito's tone was stiff, cool with detachment. He needed the name.

Deidara crossed his arms across his stomach. This was the name that could get Deidara killed. This was the one Deidara was worried about. There was no going back now, though, he was in too deep. The hardest part was that he did not want to go back. Deidara opened his mouth, the syllables slipping off his lips were as bitter as any poison. "Itachi."

Obito's body went tense. Deidara sunk in on himself, unable to hide from the revelation, but wishing that he could all the same. Obito was too engulfed by his own vehement rage that he didn't notice, at first. He wanted to leave this room and prove what a _monster_ truly was.

When he opened his eye, Obito's muscles relaxed some. Deidara had hunched down on the bed, and though he wasn't crying, the sight was just as painful. Obito had let his partner down, he had failed him in the worst way possible. He could never make that up to him, but he could take vengeance for it.

Sitting on the bed, Obito hesitated for a moment before he put an arm around Deidara's shoulders. Deidara stiffened beneath the touch at first, but once he had shaken off the surprise, he leaned into it a bit. It was warm, welcoming, it was his partner. Tobi, Obito—they were the same person. Deidara had known the man since he had been recruited into the Akatsuki. None of that had changed.

"I will make them sorry for this, Deidara. Neither of them will ever lay a hand on you again," Obito muttered, allowing Deidara to lean against him for support. Deidara nodded, still numb and shaking with adrenaline that had no outlet.

"You can't kill them, un." They both knew it. Obito didn't want to say it, because he wanted them dead to atone for what they had done; but Deidara knew better. Itachi was the most valuable member of the Akatsuki, and Hidan's immortality was too much of asset to get rid of him. "But, please…make sure they stay away."

It was the first time Deidara had actually asked for help, for Obito to do something. Obito tightened his grip around Deidara's shoulders. He would. He would make sure both men suffered the consequences that promised they would never dare to come near Deidara again.

"You're safe," Obito promised. Deidara knew that. Or, at least, he was beginning to believe that. His body and mind were both drained from the incident, from spilling a secret he had carried for months, and from his body still struggling to recover. Without moving, he slumped further against Obito, dead unconscious. Obito remained still for several seconds, still holding Deidara close to him. Deidara had placed that trust in him. Obito had placed something of equal fragility and rarity in Deidara; his loyalty. Obito had suffered as Deidara had.

There was a price to be paid.


	4. Repentance in Blood

A death of dishonor would never come close to satisfying the bloodlust gurgling beneath Obito's current mask of stoicism. He could bleed Hidan dry and leave him for the crows to feed on. Until nothing remained but an echo of a screaming, immortal man who was finally tasting how sour mortality was. He could tear Itachi's eyes from his skull and damn the man, damn the name, damn everything Itachi had ever done as futile and worthless. He could take Itachi's last family (because, surely, that was not Obito) and destroy the child, leave nothing behind but a corpse. He could leave Itachi to wallow in how it felt to know you could have stopped someone you loved from suffering a horrible fate, but you didn't.

All of that, and Obito would still never feel as if he had done enough. He wanted them to suffer, and even that, he couldn't offer Deidara. This was not a system, there was no justice in a crowd of criminals. This was a grand foundation that was too powerful and too valuable to dismantle at the core. Obito had chosen each member with purpose, he needed each skill they all brought to the table. Killing one of his soldiers would cripple the entire Akatsuki, and that was not something Obito could afford.

Deidara had known that. It was part of why he had held back in admitting what had been happening to him; he knew nothing could be done about it. Itachi and Hidan were too valuable to kill, lest the well-being of them all become jeopardized. Perhaps that, too, was why it had happened at all. Because both perpetrators knew they would not suffer consequences for their actions. Obito could not dispose of them, but he could break them and ensure they never put a hand on Deidara again.

That was precisely what he was going to do, and why he had ordered Pein to stand down tonight. He was to ignore what happened tonight and not question Obito's decision. Obito may have placed Pein as the head of the Akatsuki for a reason, but regardless, it was still in Obito's hands and he would handle them as he saw fit.

Hidan was easy. He was a loner, easy to catch alone, and too thickheaded to suspect anything until it was too late. Itachi was a bit more of a challenge. If not for Kisame being out, things could have gone awry. As it was, both men were unconscious and, Obito hoped, grappling with their worst nightmares. He hadn't had reason to use his Sharingan in recent months, tonight had been the perfect time to break that streak.

There were several rooms built deeper into the ground, beneath the main living spaces of the base. That was where Obito had brought his captives. They now lay sprawled on the floor, tossed haphazardly onto the concrete. Obito did not care if they had landed wrong, though he wanted them awake before they felt any pain. He wanted them aware, he wanted them to _understand_. While waiting for the two to return to consciousness, Obito stood some ways off, in the cool shadows that crept along the edges in the room. It was a dank cell; the walls were grey and mold grew in some spots along the cracks. Nothing alive had touched these rooms, aside from the rats, in years. It had once held prisoners, before Obito took over the underground tunnels.

Obito's cold eyes stared at the prone bodies on the ground. He watched the shallow rise and fall of their chests, listening to their breathing, and wishing he could silence the sound. Itachi had not much longer to live, himself. He was ill, and Obito was aware of the disease plaguing Itachi, but it did not bring him much satisfaction. He did, at least, take solace in the knowledge that Sasuke would surely end Itachi's life, and it would not go easy or quick.

Obito could not be the one to crush Itachi's windpipe, but maybe he would watch Sasuke as he did it.

Waking up took both men some time, Obito would estimate close to an hour. He didn't mind the wait; he knew that the delusions caused by the Sharingan took a toll on the mind. Itachi was the one who woke first, it was a slow process. Obito noticed the change in the younger man's breathing, the way it hitched with surprise as Itachi's conscious dwindled back to him. He remained still for several seconds, aware of the imminent threat but uncertain of what it was.

"It's unfortunate, isn't it? Feeling so helpless?" Obito's voice carried across the room, hitting Itachi's eardrums. It sounded like the shriek of two swords colliding. Despite how quiet and aloof it sounded, it was every bit as loud and sent an ache through Itachi's teeth. Of course, Itachi tried immediately to stand. Staying in the vulnerable, sprawled-out place on the ground would only put Itachi at a further disadvantage. But, instead of getting anywhere, Itachi found that he could scarcely move. His body was drained completely, leaving his muscles as good as atrophied.

"What have you done?" Itachi asked, his steady voice seemed to annoy his captor. The figure began to approach, though with Itachi's failing vision he could only make out the cloudy, undetailed body of a man. Itachi tried again to sit up, and he succeeded this time, but made little difference. His wrist popped as he leaned it against the grimy floor, supporting his weight. He held his other wrist, shaking, in front of his face, so that he could look on at the chakra-restricting cuff digging into his flesh. It was a thin metal contraption, but it had been sucking away at his chakra for some time, now. Itachi could not even draw enough chakra to activate his Sharingan, and his senses felt jumbled and unable to focus.

Obito smirked, and it was sad that it was a wasted effort on a man who was a breath away from being blind. "It wouldn't do to have you fight me, would it? No, I don't think so, either. After all, you prefer to attack those who can't fight you back." Obito spoke and droplets of rage began to trickle into his words, turning the cool blue of his tone into an ugly maroon. Itachi's muscles locked, his jaw making a painful _crunch_ as he clenched his teeth. He didn't raise his head to face Obito, nor did the elder expect him to. A coward did not face, they fought and they ignored and they pretended. Itachi knew what this man meant, he was no fool to play a lie, and he knew that this meeting would not be clean of bloodshed.

A groan came from the left. Hidan had finally dragged himself back into consciousness, but he was not at all the slow, wary calm that Itachi was. Hidan was loud and he swore as he clawed at the floor, forcing his hands to hold him up and damning his legs when they refused to do the same. "What the fuck, who the hell—?" The blurry man in front of him moved, and Hidan fell silent. Aside from a sick crunching sound that was surely one or more of his ribs being broken by the assailant's foot.

Obito was fast, his speed couldn't be rivaled, and he hoped it had worsened the blow when he jammed his foot into Hidan's chest. The Jashinist heaved blood onto the floor, stopping from choking on it. "You aren't here to talk, you are here to atone. I suggest you save your breath before I have to tear out the vocal cords you love to overuse." Obito drove his foot into Hidan's chest again, and he did not stop until he heard another crunch and the sound of Hidan's choke. It was satisfying to know that anything could happen to Hidan, and he would not die. Obito had to be careful with Itachi, but with Hidan, he could take some liberties.

"What the f—ck are you talkin' about?" Hidan's speech slurred and clipped, gurgling with blood as it was forced up his throat. Obito's single eye glittered crimson, watching his subordinate drowning in his own blood. Hidan wasn't feigning ignorance, he was being genuine, Obito knew it. Hidan would never see what he had done as wrong. It made Obito sick, and that made him grind his heel into Hidan's neck. It would be that easy, a crushed windpipe and hours of agony, unable to breathe. Immortality was not always a gift; it could be just as much a curse… "What is it to you, what I do to the Iwa brat?"

Obito put his full weight on his foot.

Itachi was immune to gore and torture, he had committed countless acts himself. Listening to Hidan's wet wheezing still sent a chill down Itachi's back all the same. It wasn't because he knew Hidan was dying, it was because he knew Hidan was living. It would have killed any other man.

"You're pathetic. What does your beloved god think of rape, Hidan? Does that book of shit demand you to force yourself onto others?" Itachi was sure, had Hidan been able, he would have been spitting obscenities and defense. As it were, Obito spoke freely, and he relished in the pained, enraged eyes beneath him. "You're the weakest link, Hidan. You hunted someone who you knew couldn't speak up about it. You trusted that you were above repercussion," Obito removed his foot and knelt in front of Hidan, "do you still believe that?"

Itachi's eyes met with Obito's gaze when the elder turned towards the still, quiet man who sat a few feet away. "You both thought that, you assaulted your own comrade and you put it in his head that he couldn't get away from either of you." Itachi couldn't move, as Obito approached him, he could only wait for what he knew was deserved. Obito's hand buried into Itachi's hair, wresting him off the ground and shoving his body backwards into the stone wall. The impact reverberated throughout Itachi's entire body, winding him and making his skull and spine both throb. "You disgust me," Obito hissed.

Itachi opened one eye, the blurry picture in front of him was clearer now, with Obito leaned so close. Shock wormed its way into Itachi's chest after catching the sight of the Sharingan. The genjutsu cast earlier, how fast the man moved... Itachi's mind was catching pieces of the puzzle, but so many had already slipped through his fingers.

Obito sneered at the realization dawning on Itachi's bruised face. He dropped the younger man, then, and watched him crumple onto the floor. "You terrified and traumatized Deidara, all for the sake of your own sadism. You would have continued with it until you had killed him, had you not gotten caught. Wouldn't you?" Obito stared down at Itachi, waiting for an answer, but the wretch refused to even look up. Obito snarled a curse in their native language and reached down, circling his fingers around Itachi's wrist. He tightened his grip. "Answer me, _kovni_!" Obito demanded, and Itachi finally looked up at him.

Itachi's eyes were distant, a hundred miles away. "Yes."

The snap of Itachi's arm being broken echoed in the room. Itachi sucked in a breath of shock and pain, but it was a short pause before Obito's knee drove into Itachi's stomach. Air and blood both poured out of Itachi's throat, the hit landed was too strong to have not damaged him internally. It would not kill him, not immediately—but perhaps waiting out until then would serve as compensation.

"Neither of you are to ever lay a hand on Deidara again. You are never to commit this act again. If I ever catch one of you even speaking out of line to him, I won't hesitate to kill you, and immortality will not be enough to protect you." Obito stood over Hidan, now, having abandoned the heaving and broken form of Itachi.

Hidan couldn't move, but he spat at Obito, watching through unfocused eyes as the man drew a sword from his hip. Obito didn't want Hidan getting away so soon, he wanted them both to sit and rot for a while. Hidan's body would take several hours to heal to a point he could move, and Obito was not going to allow it to be a comfortable regeneration process. Pinning Hidan's hands above his head, the Jashinist had but a split-second to realize what was about to happen. Right before the sword forced through his palms and into the floor, effectively pinning Hidan's arms down. While unable to scream, Hidan's ruined throat rasped a pained wheeze.

Blood spilled from the fresh wounds towards Obito's feet. He watched, his rage satiated, for now. Neither man would be moving for several hours, trapped in their own blood and pain, with Obito's promise ingrained into their heads. "Neither of you are to seek a medic when you finally drag yourselves out of here. You're going to suffer as long as possible, and it will still never compare to what you put Deidara through." With that finality, Obito left. The room reeked of iron. As he walked down the winding corridor, Obito exhaled a long sigh, allowing his shoulders to sag. He had been down there hours, now, and although he was satisfied with the vengeance he'd sought, it was empty. True vengeance was with Deidara, with his recovery. That didn't mean those who had wronged him didn't deserve to suffer, and they had, and they would.

Justice was not the end, but leaving a person behind to live with what they had done. And so, Obito left the men to bleed onto the floor, spilling more than just blood.

* * *

Deidara had woken up alone, that morning, the bed was made and cold on Obito's side. It surprised the blond to find himself annoyed with that. He had grown a little used to sharing the bed with his partner; he felt safer, warmer. Not that it was Deidara's business what Obito did in his own time. Besides, maybe it was best if Deidara spent some time on his own. Small steps led to walking miles, though it looked like it'd take a long time to walk just one stupid mile.

Out in one of the living spaces, Deidara found it quiet and comfortable enough to sit and mess with some of his clay. He found it a challenge to drop his guard enough to relax, and he doubted he'd ever regain that comfort. Still, it was nice, to just sit and know he wouldn't find himself faced with either of his tormentors. Deidara sighed, content in that knowledge. He hadn't ever thought he'd feel that way again. It made him realize how much he owed to his partner.

That was another challenge; adjusting to the knowledge about Obito. Deidara had been vitriolic about it at first, he hadn't trusted Obito at all and had all but sworn to the man that he never would. Deidara had found it all to be another lie, another thing he couldn't trust or feel safe around, and he'd had enough of having things taken away from him. Now, after several days of spending most of his time around Obito (mostly Obito's decision) Deidara found that it was...nice. Obito wasn't Tobi, but he shared the memories and he shared something of the same humor, though much more tempered.

Deidara had trusted Tobi, he had l—

The clay in Deidara's fingers squished between them. Deidara had no more love in his heart to give. He'd spent it all, already, and everything he grew too fond of or too comfortable with was quickly eradicated. It was not a fate he wanted to tempt, not again.

Deidara, drawn from his reverie, looked up as another person entered the space. Konan was impossible to mistake; her footsteps were near inaudible and she walked with a soft swishing sound. The woman bowed her head a bit to greet Deidara, the pretty amber of her eyes appeared to hold a glow in the darkness. "Deidara," she murmured, "you look a little pale. Is something ailing you?" Konan's query held a tint of concern, drinking in Deidara's thin and unwell appearance.

"I've been a bit sick, un," Deidara answered her with a dull tone, leaning back a bit into the couch. It was not totally a lie, and for that, Deidara felt no guilt in answering.

"I see, I hope you will get better fast." Konan spoke more out of concern for the organization than for Deidara—Pein waited on no one, in health or in sickness. When one was down, they all suffered, though she had never known Deidara to be out of commission for long. Even when he had taken a loss from the Konoha nin, he was up again within a week.

Deidara's mouth pulled to the side as he considered Konan's statement. He hoped that, too, and that surprised him, because for months he had wanted nothing. He had hoped for death, because that had been the best choice, in Deidara's eyes. It had been the most merciful option at the table. Now, Deidara saw recovery in place of that, and for however long a mercenary like him may have left, Deidara was grateful to have it. That was his decision, now, and no one else's. No one else would ever have that say over Deidara; not mentally, not physically.

"I think I'm getting there." Right after Deidara finished his sentence, Obito entered the room, though he wore the mask, now. Konan greeted the boisterously-behaving man before she took her leave, having business of her own to take care of.

Obito waved goodbye at her until she was gone, then turned towards Deidara. "You've been gone for a while," Deidara said. Obito shrugged one shoulder as he took a seat beside Deidara, careful not to jostle him. He looked too comfortable to be bothered. Deidara, however, shifted a bit closer once Obito had settled. "Gotten into trouble, yeah?"

"Getting rid of it," Obito responded cryptically. He glanced at Deidara, who found it somewhat amusing to hear that voice come from behind the infamous mask.

"Oh?" Deidara murmured, though he didn't press further, He didn't want to, nor did he need to. It wasn't necessary to hear it aloud.

"Have you been okay?" Obito asked, being careful. Deidara came close to snorting, though he figured it wouldn't be a very good answer. It was such a simple, typical "yes or no" question; but for some, it branched off into a difficult one.

"Today, yes. I've sat out here instead of in your room." Deidara felt proud of the fact, maybe a little too much, when he thought about it. But, Obito seemed happy about it, too.

"Good, I'm glad to hear that. It…gets easier, you know. It takes time, and I'm not saying it hurts less, but that you grow stronger." Deidara leaned his head onto Obito's shoulder, and Obito remembered when Deidara used to do that to Tobi, sometimes. Only when Deidara was exhausted.

"Obito, arigatou." Deidara's voice had softened a little, leaving it much more relaxed. Obito let a quiet hum, accepting Deidara's gratitude.

"I failed you before, but I won't, again." Deidara smiled a sleepy smile, his eyes closed, and growing closer to falling asleep. He felt a little bad about trapping Obito, but he could say it was because he hadn't slept well last night due to the cold bed.

* * *

Death flickered at the edges of Itachi's vision. He had no way to tell how many hours had passed, there was nothing in the cell but darkness. Hidan's wheezing had gradually begun to even out as his throat and ribcage began to mend. Itachi had listened to that wet noise for hours, and when it stopped, the hours were silent and haunting. Maybe Itachi passed out in between, but it felt as if he were conscious for days on end, paralyzed and scarcely breathing.

When Itachi heard Hidan begin to move, he opened his eyes, just able to make out Hidan dragging his bloody body to stand. A pained hiss escaped Hidan, but that was all the older man could muster with his still-damaged neck. Fuck it all, he felt as if he had died and been brought back from the grains of hell. Cracking open his bloodshot eyes, Hidan cast a solemn look towards the beaten body of Itachi. "Oi, you still breathing, Uchiha?"

Itachi managed to crack apart his lips, stuck together with blood. "Enough. Leave, Hidan." There was a beat of silence, before the loud noise of Hidan trudging towards Itachi. A rough hand grasped Itachi's good shoulder and hefted him up, much to the shock and pain of Itachi's body. Every muscle throbbed in sync at being forced to move and support Itachi's weight.

"Get the fuck up and get out of here. What, you're fucking afraid of that one-eyed fuck? Or are you feeling bad for fucking his pet?" Hidan's words were crude and his teeth were red from his blood. Itachi turned his gaze.

"What happened was too good for us. We did something heinous, Hidan, even your god—"

A hand wrapped around Itachi's neck, it didn't squeeze, but it felt heavy enough to choke. "Don't talk about Jashin-sama," Hidan seethed with rage. Itachi knew he'd struck a nerve.

"Even you knew it was wrong."

"That doesn't mean I fucking regret it." Hidan dropped his hand and turned away from Itachi, as if disgusted to face him. Itachi felt no different. "Let's get the fuck out of this dump. Try to keep your mouth shut around the shark, got it?"

Itachi had nothing to say. Kisame would be worried, no doubt, and he would at least force Itachi to set his arm, but they both knew that Itachi's word was law. He would keep to the command given to him and now allow anyone to heal him. While walking up the stairs, Itachi stumbled a bit, still too shaky and weak, and Hidan turned and caught the Uchiha by his good arm. They were still for a moment, Itachi looked between his arm and Hidan, who kept his eyes on Itachi's face.

Itachi yanked his arm from Hidan's grasp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kovni – An insult in Konoha's native language. It's a headcanon from Tumblr that I've written about before in another fic, about how each village has its own language and the members of the Akatsuki can speak to each other in their own languages. Kovni means useless, wretch, someone of no value.


	5. I am my own

"They're fading," Deidara murmured. His thumb stroked over his shoulder, where one of his worst wounds was only a faint scar, now. His bruises and cuts had healed up nicely, too. There were a few wounds that would take more time, but Deidara knew they would. Time was a slow, cautious medic, but one who put the most effort into her patients.

Situating his shirt again, Deidara swept his hair back into place and decided to call it a day. He had been outside, training his body back into shape. Obito had deemed him well enough to resume training and sparring with him, now that Deidara's body had recuperated. It was strenuous, getting his body back to where it was before all this had happened. It was also a gradual process thanks to Obito forcing Deidara to take it slow. Deidara supposed it was a good thing; his body might come to betray him, should he overwork it.

Inside the base, the cooler air clung to Deidara's skin, leaving him feeling clammy. He shivered, feeling an oncoming dread beginning to settle in his chest. He hadn't felt the sinking feeling in weeks, not since—

Deidara paused as he came upon the first living area. Itachi was already looking up, his gaze meeting Deidara's without even a flinch. Deidara, to his credit, remained unflinching as well. Adrenaline was still spilling into his veins, everything in his body wanted him to run. Deidara stilled, setting his expression and waiting. He was not running, this was his home, too, and Itachi could no longer control Deidara. The bomber would sooner blow himself up before relinquishing himself back to that. Turning, Deidara started to exit the room to return to his own, but he heard Itachi stand from behind him.

"Deidara," Itachi called. The simple sound of his name leaving the Uchiha's lips made Deidara shudder, repulsed. "I just want to talk, I'm not going to do anything, I swear it."

Deidara scoffed, bitter, but he did stop. He didn't turn around, but he would listen. "There isn't anything left for you to do, yeah."

"I'm sorry, for what happened between us." Itachi's apology was clear. Too clear to be misunderstood, as Deidara's subconscious first tried to convince him.

He did turn, then, his expression one of painted shock before it melted into a scowl. "You're what?" Deidara hissed. When Itachi opened his mouth again, Deidara swept his arm in front of him to shut Itachi up. "Don't, I don't want to hear it. What are you sorry for, Uchiha? For ruining my life? For abducting me and dragging me into this shithole, yeah? Or, no," Deidara's lips split into a manic smirk, "are you sorry for raping me?"

The word hung in the air, like a blanket that smothered one in their sleep. It tasted awful, but that was the truth, and it was awful. Deidara was never going to let what had happened be sugarcoated. He was panting, breathless from exertion and fury, his eyes glued onto Itachi's face as he awaited what further shit the Uchiha was going to spew. Anger surged through Deidara's veins, twitching in his fingertips with a desire to lash out.

"I'm sorry for what we did to you. I can't take it back, all I can do is atone." Deidara spat out a scoff, what, was Itachi apologizing for Hidan now, too?

"You're pathetic," Deidara's eyes hardened, cold pools of hate. Looking on Itachi when the man didn't have his Sharingan activated was an odd, uncomfortable sight. Deidara had grown used to the Sharingan, just as he feared it. "Sorry means nothing to me. Sorry is what you say when you break something useless, Uchiha, when you knock a fucking vase off the table. Not when you take someone's body and destroy it! Sorry is for something fixable, _forgivable_!" Deidara was so enraged that he was shaking, his speech habit no longer appearing between sentences. Itachi lowered his head, and Deidara was struck by how fucking sick this was.

"Get away from me."

Itachi looked up again, his brow creased and his lips drawn in a frown. "Deidara, I'm—"

Deidara's hand whipped out from his pouch and slung a clay bird in Itachi's direction. It was small, but it was still an explosive, and it looked beautiful when it burst. It burned Itachi's hands where he deflected the bomb from getting any closer. Hearing the pained curse filled Deidara with a crackling pride. "You don't get to say sorry. Why do you want to try, yeah? Are you guilty, Uchiha? Do you hate yourself as much as you made me hate myself?" Deidara didn't realize he was closing in on Itachi, he hadn't noticed himself taking a single step forward. For every step, Itachi took one backward, until the wall caged the two closer together. "Answer me!"

Itachi shook his head, letting his burned hands fall from out in front of him. "I needed to tell you I was sorry, I let things go too far, I didn't intend for you to get hurt like this."

Oh, that was rich, coming from Uchiha Itachi. "Why, then? Why did you?" Deidara waited, and he wanted, but he didn't receive. Itachi did nothing but shake his head, his mouth opened, but he closed it again without a sound. "Yeah, I don't fucking know either. I don't know why I had to suffer at your hand, at his, but I won't anymore, un. If you ever touch me again, I'll blow both of your hands off. Do you fucking understand?"

"I wouldn't touch you again. Neither of us will." Itachi could promise that, not only for Deidara. As pretty as the promise was, it had all the stability of cracked glass, for Deidara. Still, Itachi continued, putting pressure on the glass. "There's no "why" to what I did, and even if there were, it would make no difference." Itachi was lying, to an extent. He could give Deidara any number of reasons; a hunger for control, for power, for lust, nothing that would ever make what had happened okay. They were excuses, and neither Itachi or Deidara wanted them. Itachi was prepared to suffer for what he had done in his life, more than he already had.

"You're right. Now you have to live with it the rest of your life, just like I do." Deidara's voice was tight. When he finished, he stormed past Itachi, jarring the older man when their shoulders bumped together. He didn't want to stick around and listen to Itachi talk anymore. He didn't want to stand still, waiting for an attack that he knew wasn't going to come, and he didn't want to stand and keep wondering why. Why was Itachi apologizing now, after everything? Did he actually, in some fucked up way, think it would make anything better? Or, was the truth that he wanted to make himself feel better after it was all over?

Deidara burst into his own room and slammed the door shut behind him. His room was closer than Obito's was, and Deidara doubted he was going to make it that far. His chest was already constricting, his lungs shrinking and his heart expanding. There was too much throbbing and not enough air to sustain it. The room was cold and it felt a little surreal, in that odd way rooms always got when they hadn't been lived in for a while.

Clutching at his own chest, the teeth in his palm bit at Deidara's shirt. It wasn't the first time Deidara had been struck by an attack like this, but he still didn't quite know how to cope with them. Shoving away from the door, Deidara barreled into the bathroom and yanked the sink on, causing cool water to splash everywhere. He didn't even notice the mess as he cupped his hands and held them beneath the stream so that he could splash water onto his face. It was refreshing and the cold snapped him a little bit into reality, but when he looked into the mirror, that realism began to slip down the drain again.

In the mirror was that stranger, his eyes wild and his hair a mess. Deidara hadn't seen him in some time, and he'd hoped it might stay that way. "You're back," Deidara commented dryly, still leaning into the counter for support. The image in the mirror copied him, still wearing that empty-eyed expression. It pissed Deidara off. Why did it have to look like that? Why did it have to look so much like him? It wasn't him, he would never look so pitiful, it wasn't him!

"Crack!" The sound of the mirror shattering beneath Deidara's knuckles barely reached Deidara's senses. The pain of his split knuckles sure did, though. Blood and shards of glass fell into the sink when Deidara pulled his hand to his chest, examining the tiny cuts. They were nothing severe, nothing to worry about, unlike Deidara's _head_. Maybe Obito had been wrong, Deidara would never recover. He was just a mess, some fucked up kid that any village would lock away.

"Deidara?" Deidara started at the sound of Obito's voice calling him. He hadn't heard the door to his room open, by now it was too late to hide his hand. Obito was already walking towards the entry to the bathroom. "I heard something break are you—" The question hit an abrupt wall. The sight of the broken mirror, stained with blood, and Deidara cradling his bloodied hand was a startling scene. "What happened? Did you do this to yourself?" It was an obvious question, not that that made it any easier to comprehend.

No answer was offered, so Obito decided to move forward. He reached out with both hands and took Deidara's wrist, whispering "let me see," so that Deidara relented. Glass crunched beneath Obito's feet, but he didn't pay any attention to it. He focused on washing the cuts and berating Deidara for not having any bandages at hand. The whole time, Deidara smirked at where the mirror once was. There was no stranger staring back at him.

Once the wound had been cleaned and bandaged (taken from Obito's room) Obito insisted Deidara explain why he had broken the mirror. Stranger things had happened, but Obito didn't believe there hadn't been some sort of provocation. "Deidara, talk to me." There was no added "please" to the sentence, but Deidara heard it all the same.

Awkwardly rubbing his arm, Deidara sat the edge of his bed while Obito stayed in the middle, awaiting an explanation. Obito did deserve that much, Deidara knew that, but…how could he explain what he didn't have a reason for? "I don't know," he eventually muttered, holding on to the half-hope that Obito wouldn't hear it. "I get…I get angry, sometimes, and I can't get it out any other way. I wanted it to stop." It was painful admitting that. It was a weakness, a fault, and Deidara wanted to prove he could be strong on his own. He couldn't even do that right, instead he threw tantrums like a child.

A pair of arms circled around Deidara and he stiffened. The sudden and unexpected contact from Obito startled Deidara, who had just gotten used to Obito being quite distant. Neither of them spoke for a second, and the warmth had just begun settling into Deidara's bones. He couldn't complain about it. In fact, he wanted to ask that it never have to stop. It was the one thing Deidara wanted to keep.

"Don't do this anymore." Obito's voice was muffled, as if he were speaking around something in his mouth, but Deidara understood him nonetheless. Partially, anyway. What wasn't he supposed to do, run around breaking things, like a lunatic?

"Don't hurt yourself." Deidara hadn't expected Obito to continue; maybe Obito hadn't either, if the way he tensed up was any indication. He still didn't stop, though. "You don't have to, anymore. You can come to me if it gets that bad," Obito emphasized the "it" part of his sentence, because while he didn't know what it meant, he understood it was bad. Obito had suffered through similar experiences, Obito knew the stranger in the mirror. The stranger bore scars and lacked the one familiar thing he'd thought would always be a constant; a smile.

"Why?" Obito opened his eye when he heard Deidara ask him that.

"You deserve better than—"

"No, why have you done all this? Why did you help me, why are you still staying beside me when you don't have to anymore?" Deidara knew the truth behind Tobi, and it meant Obito no longer had to stick around him so often, he didn't have to keep up that bond. Why was he still trying to?

Obito chuckled, too close to Deidara's ear. It sent a shudder down the teenager's back. "I said nothing about having to. I do what I want to, Deidara."

Deidara watched as pale fingertips toyed with the ends of his long hair. It had grown a bit, in the past weeks. Tobi has always liked it, now Obito liked it, too. "It wasn't all an act, was it?" Deidara had to ask. He couldn't forgive himself if he didn't find out.

Obito breathed, and Obito answered. "No, it wasn't."

Deidara wasn't sure what the emotion that filled his heart was—relief, affection? It was warm and it made him feel lighter, less like the isolated, manic man he'd come to see himself as. Turning around a bit, Deidara came face to face with Obito. Neither of them pulled back, nor did they lean any closer. They simply watched one another. They hesitated to break that, because it would mean breaking what was current and starting something new. Obito didn't want that so soon, he didn't want Deidara to—

A pair of lips brushed against Obito's cheek, kissing quickly, and pulling back almost before the touch could even be called a kiss. Deidara didn't understand how to express it any other way, physical contact had been the only thing he knew how to initiate. It was a chaste, brief kiss, but it was somehow still sweet.

Obito pulled back once he'd snapped out of the surprise. Immediately, Deidara worried he'd done something wrong. "I'm sorry," he started, "I didn't mean to overstep, un."

Obito shook his head, "it's not that, Deidara. Don't think you're the only one who…" Obito stood up. He needed to leave, before things got any worse. He had allowed this to get too out of hand, now he'd caused more grief between them. "You deserve better than this. I'm a monster, it's all I can ever be. I don't want you clinging onto something like that." Obito started out of the room, but he was yanked to a halt by a hand on his wrist.

"I'm tired of people walking away from me," Deidara tightened his grip, "it isn't up to you to decide what's best. It's my choice, too, and I already made it." Obito clenched his free hand and stood straight, eying Deidara down and not making the blond falter even once.

"Listen to me, you don't understand, yet. Things are going to change. You're going to be a part of it, either way, all of us are. But you don't need someone like me in your life, not that way."

"You think you're a monster?" Deidara stepped closer, still holding on to his partner. "You think you're the only one who feels that way, the only one who's done something unforgivable, yeah? You aren't! You gathered an entire band of monsters, you idiot, do you really think I care?" Deidara was right in Obito's face, now, unwilling to accept the other man's decision. "If we're doomed to be this way, then we're going to be this way together."

It was dramatic and it was overzealous, and it suited Deidara in every way. Obito closed his eye and emitted a sigh, a sound of defeat. "You're impossible, you realize that?" he mumbled, shifting the arm that Deidara was holding so that he could tug Deidara closer. Deidara smirked. Yes, he knew it very well, and it came in handy more often than not. Leaning up just a bit, Deidara kissed Obito again; on the mouth, this time. Obito was still for a moment, but once he'd melted into the chaste exchange, he found it easier to kiss Deidara back. He had staved off feelings that were anything short of stoic or business since he was nothing but a teenager, and he felt quite like one, now. Deidara brought that out in him.

Once the kiss broke, still a chaste and soft act, Deidara leaned back and pulled Obito with him. "I promised you to keep it a secret, yeah." Obito cocked a brow at the impending conversation Deidara appeared to be gearing towards. Stepping backwards towards the bed, Deidara set one knee on the bed and proceeded to sit on his folded leg. It was too casual to match the expression on Deidara's face. "I think you should tell me what it is, exactly, that I'm keeping secret. You said it wasn't my concern, but I think the circumstances have changed a bit, since then."

Just a bit.

Obito stared at Deidara for several seconds, considering the request. "It's a lot to take in, Deidara. Haven't you been introduced to the phrase, ignorance is bliss?"

"If you're calling me ignorant, I take offense." Obito snickered at that.

"Fine, I'll tell you some. I'll tell you what's important." Obito sat on the bed, sinking down, and took a deep breath. He needed his lungs to be prepared for it, because his mind was far from it. "What do you want to be told?"

Deidara weighed his questions before he decided. "You created the Akatsuki, and you used Tobi as an alias to hide your identity. I understand that much. But, why all that work? What pushed you to create the organization at all, and what's the purpose behind it?"

There was a convoluted maze of railways involved with that. Some still had burning remains left. Obito wondered how he could word it when it was something he had never had to put into words before. It had been what he kept to himself, it was what his own nightmares were made of. The silence wore on so long that Deidara thought he might not receive an answer. That was when Obito began to speak.

"It was a long time ago. I was just a kid, a soldier. I was a Konoha nin." Deidara had deduced that Obito must have been under Konoha, just as the other Uchiha had been. Obito had been born a child of war. "I wasn't what my clan could call "worth being proud of" in a sense, I was someone who believed in people, not tradition. I fought for my village because I fought for those I cared about." Obito wasn't facing Deidara, but instead looking out of the window. He wasn't seeing anything but his own, static memory.

"Konoha has a very twisted, manipulated system. All the villages do, but like you are most familiar with Iwa, I am most familiar with Konoha, and what it did to people I loved." Swallowing a heaviness in his throat, Obito recalled a girl with dark hair and warm eyes. "I watched someone I loved die, and I could nothing to protect her. It was just as much my fault as it was our team's, our village's. She was a victim of war, just like I was, and just like my family once was, before the genocide."

Deidara had moved, now. It was slow but deliberate when he reached a hand out, placing it on Obito's shoulder in an act of solidarity. They had all lost because of the way the system made weapons out of children. "I promised that I would end the violence, that I would create something of a peaceful world. Something that controlled the villages and forced them into a time of peace. Only the tailed-beasts could grant me that much power, and the sacrifices made for them are worth the lives that will be saved once it's all complete."

When Obito's voice no longer echoed in the room, it was silent and thick. Deidara said nothing, and Obito didn't expect him to. He had divulged something he had only shared with Pein, because the two shared a common goal; the desire for an era of peace. "I want to take back what was stolen from us and give it to the oncoming generations. I'm going to make my village suffer for what happened to me, to my team." And, Obito thought, he owed it to one surviving member of his family, who was but sixteen and just as much a victim of circumstance.

"She deserves that." Hearing that made Obito cut his gaze towards Deidara, though he did not face him, so Deidara pushed on. "You deemed yourself a monster, but I don't think a monster would strive for what you have." Deidara leaned closer, forcing Obito to look at him. "I'm not turning my back now. I told you, people like us, we seem to stick together."

Obito had to smirk at that. "You're getting yourself into much more than you realize. You could do your part and live on the sideline, instead you're trying to throw yourself headfirst into the mess I've created." Obito had been trying to keep Deidara safe; or, as safe as he could manage. Now, Deidara was only stepping into a fire that had been burning for years.

Deidara was not afraid of being burned. "You took vengeance for me, Obito. I'm going to help you do the same.


	6. I Have Won

Obito cracked open his eye, only to be met with blinding light. With sunlight washed over the room, it was difficult to stay asleep. Obito was more of a morning person to begin with. He was more of a "never sleep" type of person, he'd only recently started coming to bed more often. As he sat up, the bed shifted and he heard a groan of protest beside him. Deidara was immune to the effects of the sunlight, it would seem, as he had his face buried into the pillow. Obito couldn't help a smirk as he reached down, combing his partner's unruly hair out of his face. "You're never going to return to your own bed, I presume?"

A pair of drowsy eyes peered up at Obito. Deidara had never cared for early mornings, nor had he been a fan of his partner's appreciation for them. "I'll blow it up before that," he replied, his voice muffled into the pillow. Obito shook his head at the thought. A smoking crater in the base might be a bit of a liability. Leaving Deidara in the bed to finish his ordeal of waking up, Obito approached his scattered desk. Organization was nonexistent. Unless his familiarity with exactly what each messy pile consisted of counted. Missions reports, some old and some new, scrolls that were read, half-read or not yet opened, etcetera. Nothing too vital. The important files stayed locked away, and Obito could blow them all up in a second if he thought they were in danger of being infiltrated.

Slim, calloused fingers came to rest on Obito's hip, and soon Deidara's weight leaned against him. It was slight and didn't even manage to shift Obito's balance, but he had noticed that Deidara was beginning to regain some weight and muscle mass. It was a slow process, slower for Deidara than it was for Obito. The bomber had still not received the green light to return to active duty, and it may be another week before Obito felt his partner would be at his best. Deidara had resumed normal training about two weeks prior and he was climbing back to where he had been before the tragic events of the past few months.

When Obito touched him, he no longer felt bones, he felt muscle and cushioned flesh. He felt Deidara lean into his hand instead of flinching away, startled or distrustful of any contact. It was a gradual process that was nowhere near finished, and it may never be. That wasn't the goal, the goal was to heal and resume as healthy a life as Deidara could. He wanted to move past what had happened. Forgetting it was impossible, forgiving it was impossible, but he could move past it. That was the best vengeance anyone could ever take against those who had traumatized them; retake your own life and continue forward. Deidara did not want to forgive, and he didn't have to, but he was willing to let go. Not right now, and maybe not even soon, but eventually, he thought that he could.

He refused to let his attackers keep their hold on him for the rest of his life.

"Deidara?" Obito had noticed the silence that had now draped over the room, though he couldn't see Deidara's expression. He wanted to see if the sudden quietude was benign or not.

Deidara blinked, breaking his dead stare into space. "Mh?" he hummed, resting his forehead against Obito's shoulder. The older man was warm, sturdy, something Deidara had turned to lean against when his own steadiness faltered. There were still bad times. There were still nights where nightmares woke Deidara, leaving him soaked with sweat and clawing at the air. Obito had learned not to get too close after the first episode, one that had nearly taken his good eye out. Instead of crowding Deidara, Obito learned to let the blond come to him. Deidara needed space, but he wanted to know Obito was there should he need it. It was an odd system that may seem outwardly complicated, but…it worked. If it worked, Deidara saw nothing wrong with it.

"You're out of it. What were you thinking about?" Obito never failed to read Deidara as if he were an open book. It may have unnerved Deidara, but instead, he found himself appreciating it. It was exhausting, keeping the cover shut without a break. With Obito around, Deidara didn't have to worry, because Obito was going to see through it either way.

"Nothing important," Deidara untwined from Obito, "other than the fact that I'm not about to spend another second cooped up in here." The room was stifling and Deidara was itching to get out and do something productive. He would kill to exercise his frustration and compressed energy out on an actual opponent, but that was a goal to persevere towards. "I'm going to train, I'll be south of the base," Deidara told Obito. It settled them both, sharing the knowledge of their whereabouts. It let Obito know where to find Deidara, and it gave Deidara peace of mind that, should he not be where he said, Obito would know something bad had happened.

Obito nodded his affirmation. It was about time for Deidara to resume active duty, and if he kept up the rigorous training regimen, his body would be in top condition once again. Obito still had not forgiven himself for allowing Deidara's health to get to the point it had. Had he known, had he realized—but he hadn't. He had let Deidara almost waste away in front of him. He wouldn't let Deidara ruin any progress he made by pushing himself too fast and too soon. "Don't overexert yourself. I won't be far, I'll be working down with Zetsu, today."

Deidara didn't prod. Zetsu unnerved him as it was, asking Obito about what he would be needing with Zetsu would likely just lead to Obito trying to get a rise out of the blond.

When walking in the base, Deidara always had half of his attention over his shoulder. That would never go away, the lingering sense of someone watching. Deidara was going to carry that haunting feeling with him for the rest of his life. Why couldn't he shake that? Why couldn't he go back, but neither Hidan nor Itachi had anything stolen from them? They got to go on with their lives completely unscathed, but Deidara wasn't. He was always going to live with it, no matter how he moved forward or how he grappled with doing the simplest fucking things. He could still barely sleep a full night, stomaching more than a bowl of rice a day was a trial, even looking in the mirror was hard. Deidara wanted his fucking life back!

"Katsu!" Deidara's snarled word was almost as deadly as the explosion itself. He had created the clay bird to be too large and in turn, several of the nearby saplings bent almost double. It wasn't enough, the explosion wasn't good enough. He wanted bigger, stronger, he wanted something worth fearing. He was forceful as he molded, sometimes crushing the clay a bit too much, leaving some of the birds with a misshapen appearance. It didn't matter, they were for only him, and perfection was something Deidara had lost perception of. If his own skin was marred, why should his creations not bare the same? Deidara molded and he admired, and he threw and watched them blow. They were far prettier like that, far more useful and important, when they were ash and color.

It took several hours for Deidara to expel the toxins from his body. The sun was high in the sky, by now, and Deidara had taken refuge beneath a tree, one of the few he hadn't scarred, though it had taken a few minutes to find one. He had demolished a fair part of this section of forest, leaving behind bent trunks, smoking craters, and a smattering of charred grass. Burning grass had a strange, sharp scent that was oddly nostalgic. With his chest heaving and his fingers almost numb, Deidara could no longer feel the rage and hatred that had churned in his guts earlier. He felt exhausted, empty, but peaceful.

It was that way, sometimes. When things got too heavy inside of him, it all boiled to the surface and burned at his skin, trying to find a way out. It wasn't every day, but it was some days, the worst ones. Deidara thought they were getting less frequent, but it was hard to tell. Every time one happened, it felt like being set back to square one. Deidara sighed, his shoulders sagging as he exhaled the tension. Above him, the sky was clear and bright, stretching out for miles. Tilting his head back, Deidara stared into it and wondered what it would be like to lose himself amidst the vast blue.

"You sure blew the fuck out of this shithole, didn't you?" The callous voice, snorting with amusement, made goosebumps rise all along Deidara's arms. He bolted from the ground gracelessly and it felt like he'd left his stomach where he'd been sitting.

Wolfish violet eyes, far too close. Hidan stood across the clearing, and it was still too close. "Get out of here," Deidara's voice seethed, "take a step closer and I'll blow off your fucking legs, yeah." Deidara's snarled threats weren't empty, something both men knew. There was no room for questions anymore. Deidara didn't care, he wanted Hidan away from him and it was going to happen _now_.

Hidan scoffed, his eyebrows furrowing into a sneer. Did Deidara believe that would kill Hidan? That any of his pretty little clay fucks could keep him down forever? "That's fucking rich," Hidan crossed his arms, "too bad you won't get to test it."

Deidara's scowl sharpened in confusion, "what do—"

" _Boom!"_ A sudden, earth-shattering explosion drowned out Deidara's voice. His gaze rose as Hidan swiveled around, the plume of smoke that had begun to billow from the north was rising above the trees. Hidan swore, but Deidara could hardly hear him through the ringing in his ears. The smoke wasn't coming directly from the base, but it was close enough—too close. The secrecy of it had been compromised, and from here there was no way to tell how many enemy nin there were.

Hidan headed for the base, either he would have to block the entrance or he'd have to kill those who had already infiltrated. Deidara was already reaching into his pouch. He'd have to get above the scene and find how many there were, it would be easier to track them from the sky and take them out in larger numbers. Deidara was on the bird and taking off before it had even fully expanded, it was just enough to hold his weight. Once in the sky, the cloud of smoke appeared less monstrous than it had on the ground, it was about a couple of miles out from the base entrance itself. The infiltrators may not have known the precise location, but they had enough to go on to make a damn good guess.

Deidara's teeth clenched together. The Akatsuki had made countless enemies, but the ones brazen enough to outright attack them? Deidara could count that number on one hand. Reaching up to adjust the scope on his left eye, Deidara closed his right and focused on scanning the ground below him. He neared it, though he kept a safe enough distance. He couldn't catch sight of any motion, had they scattered once they realized they had miscalculated?

Something silver gleamed to Deidara's right, sharp and coming at him fast. He leaned to the right, but he couldn't move too fast unless he wanted to fall off. The kunai grazed his arm, leaving a shallow wound in Deidara's bicep. A hissed curse and a glare towards the ground later, Deidara spotted the group of ninja. There were several men, all sporting familiar armor. Deidara recognized it, even when it had been a few months since then. It had been the last mission Deidara had completed, on the day that everything had come to light between himself and Obito.

"Shit," Deidara hissed, circling back towards the group of men. A bunch of suicidal idiots, if you asked him. Had they truly come believing they could take back their scroll, to avenge? Were they really going to allow their pride to take precedence over their lives? Deidara's lips stretched into a sneer, sadistic pleasure worming into his veins as he dropped a barrage of spider bombs. They would crawl among the scattered ninja below, sticking to them and blowing apart.

Fine, who was Deidara to deny them?

The sound of the explosions swallowed the screaming of men being blown to pieces. Branches of trees and severed limbs were strewn about the forest floor, and still no one called for a ceasefire. No one retreated, and for that, Deidara had to admire the obvious lack of fear. It was a lack of intelligence, as well, but tenacious nonetheless. Sweat dripped from Deidara's brow. He was getting low on chakra, though he could see from here, by the sight of countless bodies, that the numbers had been reduced to almost nothing. He had dropped lower as the battle progressed, and he could hear the pinging noise of metal clanging into metal closer to the base. He couldn't see any others from out here. So, he decided it was time to head back and survey what damage had been done and if anyone had succeeded in breaking inside.

It was Deidara's fault, when it happened. He had been careless and let his attention waver due to believing he had taken care of the last enemy. The last words of the jutsu had only just registered in the back of Deidara's mind when he saw the whirling torrent of fire looming from the ground. It swallowed the clay bird whole. Had Deidara not jumped when he did, he'd have gotten caught in the inferno. The landing was harsh and jarred Deidara's bones, but after a beat of assessment, he knew he hadn't broken anything. He was a practiced, skilled shinobi who had leapt from greater heights several times in the past. Had he not been so caught off guard, it might have been a cleaner land. As things were, Deidara was grateful he could stand.

Melting dollops of clay fell onto the surrounding trees, the fire dwindling away into nothing, now. From the corner of his eye, Deidara saw the ninja responsible. His face was sunken and his teeth bared in a snarl, vitriolic hate glimmered deep in his silver eyes. Deidara shifted into a defensive posture, prepared to take the wiry man on in hand to hand combat if he moved an inch. "Akatsuki scum," the man wheezed, pained. In his hand, he held a chipped sword, which he pointed at Deidara in accusation. "All of you will pay one day, all of you!"

It would have been a mercy just to put the man out of his misery. Deidara regarded him through cool eyes, giving a disgusted shake of his head. "Some of us already have." Deidara started forward, his hand now reaching for a kunai with which he could put an end to this. The battered ninja before him snorted out a laugh that quickly morphed into a cackle. The sound was jarring, but that wasn't what was worrying. Deidara narrowed his eyes at the sudden change and, hearing the rustle of burnt grass behind him, learned too late what the cause of it was.

Twisting his body around, Deidara faced the oncoming ninja—a lumbering man wielding a pike that was more than half Deidara's height. He held it raised above his head, poised to stab Deidara through his chest. It all seemed to slow, time fell to a crawl as the sharp head of the pike came rushing towards Deidara's heart. He wanted to close his eyes, but he wouldn't allow himself to do that. He would rather stare death in the face than to cower away from it. With blood pounding in his ears, Deidara waited for the cold metal to pierce his flesh, no longer able to breathe. So, the rumors were true. You already felt dead before the final hit even landed.

It was a hit that never came. Deidara never saw Hidan until the Jashinist was right in front of him. The pike stabbed through Hidan's chest, and with blood dripping into the dirt, time came rushing back into focus. It slammed the breath out of Deidara's lungs and left him dizzy. He watched his would-be executioner's eyes widen and he heard the one behind him curse, anguished by the failure. "Don't just fucking stand there!" Hidan's strained voice snapped Deidara back.

Turning on the injured man behind him, Deidara made quick work of slashing the enemy's throat, leaving it a gaping wound. The man went down like a rock, gurgling wetly. Hidan hissed behind him and Deidara turned, grimacing with disgust at the sight of the gaping wound left in Hidan's chest. He held the pike in his hand, having yanked it from his own body while the attacker backed away, horror painted on his face. Hidan said something to him, perhaps mocking the man, but Deidara didn't catch it. His attention was on the clay he was hurrying to mold into a pristine spider. Once it was ready, he shouted in clipped Iwa for Hidan to get down.

Hidan complied, dropping heavily onto his knees. Deidara launched the spider straight for the retreating enemy nin before he got the chance to run. " _Katsu!_ "

The explosion splattered Hidan with blood, mixing with his own as it drenched the trees and ground below him. Nothing remained of the enemy nin's right side of his body, the bomb had obliterated it. Neither Hidan nor Deidara moved, even once the ringing had cleared from their respective hearing. Hidan stayed knelt on the ground, the hole in his chest continued to leak gore all the while. Deidara stood still, his body shaking with floods of adrenaline and suppressed rage, confusion, and nausea. With Hidan's back facing the blond, he couldn't see the vitriol-filled glare boring into him.

Why? The word burned at the back of Deidara's throat, rising like bile. It didn't help with his nausea. He must've run the scene through his head a hundred times in the five minutes that had passed. Had that hit struck him, it would have killed him. That was doubtless in Deidara's head. Hidan had suffered a major blow, but nothing that would kill him, Hidan had taken countless hits like that in the past. He'd even mutilated his own body.

But why would he take it instead of letting Deidara?

Each member of the Akatsuki knew they were all valuable, and if one of them were to die in battle, the entire organization would suffer a drastic blow. Losing Sasori had proven that, losing Deidara so soon after Sasori's loss might be too much. His skills were a huge asset. But, Hidan had never given a fuck about any of them, not even his partner, and he surely had never cared about any of the Akatsuki's goals. Hidan was only a part because of his own stupid reasons.

"Why…?" Deidara had barely rasped out his question when the sound of approaching footsteps neared the two of them. Deidara heard his partner's voice calling his name, pitched up in Tobi's familiar, jovial tone. Hidan raised his head a bit from where he'd had it hanging, struggling to breathe with one ruptured lung. Hidan's lips curled, aiming a smirk with blood-stained teeth over his shoulder. Deidara reeled back a little, but before he could further react, Obito broke into the clearing with Kakuzu not far behind him.

Obito paused when he caught sight of Hidan, who admittedly looked worse for wear. His gaze soon landed on Deidara, and his shoulders sagged in clear relief. "Senpai!" he exclaimed, darting past Kakuzu to get to Deidara, who had yet to move an inch. He couldn't take his eyes from Hidan, who had started to bicker with Kakuzu, who was annoyed at the state Hidan had gotten himself in. "Senpai?"

Deidara glanced over, with his eyes wide and his face pallid, it was obvious something wasn't right. Behind his mask, Obito narrowed his eye. He turned his head towards Hidan, but Deidara shook his head and snatched his partner by the arm before Obito could draw any conclusions of his own. "Let's go," Deidara muttered, already storming past Obito. If he had to spend another second around this, another second just thinking about it... Deidara suspected he might just combust, himself.

Deidara didn't slow down until he was almost right in front of the base, only then did it register to him what the entire fight had first started over. The entrance appeared untouched. "Did anyone break past us?" he asked, turning around to search for Obito, who had trailed a few feet behind him.

Obito shook his head. "No, they didn't. Us, Itachi, Hidan, and Kakuzu kept them from even getting close. It was a futile effort on their part."

The men had to have known that, Deidara thought. They had known, and they still let their pride and carnal hunger for vengeance come first. "Tch," Deidara scoffed, nudging past Obito so that he could walk into the base. He knew Obito was going to follow him, even if Deidara was acting the way he was.

"Deidara, what happened out there?" It would take a blind man to not notice something was off. Obito may be halfway there, but he wasn't an idiot. When Deidara didn't answer him, didn't even face him, Obito started growing impatient. Hidan was living on borrowed time as it was, had he done something else to Deidara… "Was it Hidan? What did he do?"

Deidara's shoulders loosened as a mirthless laugh jarred his lungs. Obito wasn't sure what the laugh meant, but he held off on asking another question. It might do nothing but make Deidara feel pushed. Obito had learned back at square one that that resulted in them both suffering the consequences. Silence dragged on for several seconds before Deidara could get a grasp on what he wanted to say. "One of the enemies took me by surprise," Deidara started, and Obito immediately straightened in attention. "He had his weapon raised to run it through my chest. It'd have killed me, un."

Deidara trailed off, but the pieces had already spilled and were starting to come together. "Hidan took the hit instead of you?" Obito finished, saving Deidara from having to. Deidara clenched his teeth, making his jaw click. Obito lacked any further words. What was there for him to say? "Deidara—"

"No," Deidara cut Obito off, "no. I don't want to hear anything, yeah. This doesn't change anything, it doesn't erase what he did!"

"No one is saying that it did." Obito's placid voice was quiet, almost missed with the way Deidara's was shouting. "I would never think that."

Deidara, breathing raggedly, leaned against the wall so that it would help support his weight. "Why? Why would he do that?" Deidara wanted to understand, but more than that, he wanted to _not_ want to understand. Every time he tried to understand, it only left him more confused and often led to an attack. Deidara felt his chest tightening already, it had been weeks since his last.

Obito noticed the onset of an anxiety attack. Deidara's eyes widened and his hands would clutch at his own head. "Deidara, look at me," Obito told him, resting his hands on the blond's shoulders. Frenzied blue eyes searched Obito's expression. "We'll never know why Hidan did it. I'm thankful that you are alive and safe, but that will never make what he did okay. This was not an apology, it does not soften the crimes committed against you."

Was it true? Could Deidara still be angry? Was it fair to not forgive Hidan, even after he had saved Deidara's life? "Obito, I don't—I can't forgive him. I don't. I don't want to. I can move on, but I can't forgive either him or Itachi, but I think they _want me to!_ "

Cool fingers pressed beneath Deidara's chin, tilting his head up. "It will never matter what they want. It was their choice, and they will bear the burden of it forever. You have no reason to worry about forgiving someone who has traumatized you, and I am sorry you felt you had to." Obito tucked Deidara's head beneath his chin and hugged him close, pressing Deidara's smaller body against his chest. Deidara shook against him, but his breathing was no longer gasping. "It is not your job to forgive."

Deidara's voice choked on a pained sound, and he felt Obito's arms tighten around him. Deidara had never sought after safety or warmth, he had always chased danger, adrenaline, and destruction. Obito could make Deidara feel protected, and that wasn't something Deidara had ever anticipated he'd want. Breathing in against the crook of Obito's neck, Deidara felt a shudder of warmth shooting through his chest. "Obito," he murmured, starting to pull away a little.

"Mh?" Obito let him, only enough for Deidara to face him again. Deidara took it all in for a second; the closeness, Obito's expression, the rushed thudding of his heart. Deidara was happy, and as brief as happiness could be, he wanted to make the most of it. And so, he did. Leaning up a bit, Deidara's lips pressed against Obito's. Even though the kiss was a little too hard, and they were both still drained, and dirty from battle, it still managed to be just right. Obito buried his fingers into Deidara's tangled hair, hesitant to be the one to break the kiss.

Both of them were breathless, trying to taste and reach as much of the other as they could. Deidara's hands were rough and impatient as they tugged at Obito's cloak and top. "I want to forget. Help me forget." Deidara buried his hands into Obito's shirt, refusing to allow the older man to put any distance between them. Deidara needed the closeness, he needed to feel Obito, to feel supported.

Obito caught Deidara's wrists, bringing the younger man to slow down. "I'll do better," Obito said, raising Deidara's left wrist to his mouth. He pressed a kiss to the inside of Deidara's wrist, there, where he could feel the pulse fluttering beneath his lips. "I'll give you something new to remember, something new to look forward to." Obito brought Deidara's right wrist to his mouth and smirked against the smooth skin, pressing a kiss just as gentle as the first to it. "Let me take care of you."

Deidara's breath was sticking somewhere in his throat. Perhaps that should have been uncomfortable, but the only thing he could feel was the heat flushing across his skin. Deidara wet his lips and watched Obito's gaze darken. Unbidden, Deidara felt a smirk of his own tugging at his lips. He was a powerful man, and he was perfectly aware, but this was an entirely different kind of power. "Go on, yeah. Show me."

Obito had already claimed Deidara's lips before the blond could finish his sentence. Deidara was worth everything Obito could give him and then some, and he was going to prove that.

* * *

"Fucking shit, do you want to rip the damn thing open again?" Hidan received a harsh tug on the stitches that Kakuzu was currently using to sew up the jagged hole in his partner's chest. The pain was brief, but annoying nonetheless.

"If you hadn't been so reckless, this might not be happening." Kakuzu's gruff retort made Hidan roll his eyes. Trust the old bastard to think his way was always the right way. Neither of them had been silent throughout the duration of the stitching, and that made the whole situation last longer than it needed to.

"Fuck off, it's done, it'll heal just fine like that," Hidan muttered. He stood up and away from the black threads that were repairing his wound. Kakuzu could tear Hidan's chest open again with complete ease, and it was something that he did consider. But, it would only serve to make Hidan bitch even louder. If he tried to stitch it up again himself, he'd probably end up just jabbing a needle into his heart by mistake.

Hidan listened as Kakuzu left, trailing a bit of Hidan's blood out of the room as he did. It was a mess, on the floor and still splattered across Hidan's skin in macabre patterns. He was silent for a few moments, his breath still weak from his ruptured lung. Hidan always healed, but it didn't always go as fast as he would have wanted. "I know you're there, so you can stop trying to be fucking sly." Hidan craned his neck towards the hall, waiting until Itachi finally stepped into the room. Hidan stood, several of his joints popping in protest. "What the fuck do you want?"

Itachi drank in the sight of the blood and ugly, crudely sewn wound on Hidan's chest. "You should have allowed him to better take care of the wound," Itachi's voice was almost too quiet. He was always too quiet, Hidan found. It made him fucking feel like he was going deaf at the age of twenty-two.

Hidan sneered, nearing Itachi, who went unfazed by the approach. "It doesn't fucking matter, it'll close on its own by tomorrow." Hidan straightened to his full height, a sudden glint entering his eyes. "Why the fuck does a rat like you care?"

Itachi's teeth cut into the inside of his cheek, already worn, causing it to bleed. "Why? You didn't have to take that hit. You could have knocked the man out of the way." Itachi noticed Hidan's eyes darken, and he did take a step back, then.

"Why are you so fucking worried about what I do, Uchiha? I did my fucking job, and I did it without us losing another member, didn't I? That fucking jackass would have had my head had I stood by and let Deidara get killed."

"I know that isn't true. Not all of it. You do nothing but hurt others, you would have killed him had you gotten the chance—"

Hidan's fist buried into Itachi's shirt. The Uchiha's body made a loud thud against the wall when Hidan shoved him backwards, pinning him to the smooth stone. "You don't know anything about me, and I suggest you stop fucking pretending you do. You aren't the omniscient fuck that you think you are." Hidan's face was close to Itachi's, too close, Itachi had to tilt his head back in order to put distance between them.

"I don't? Then why? Tell me why."

Hidan hissed a curse and dropped Itachi's weight. Only the wall against his back kept Itachi from stumbling. "And why would I owe you that? Do you want to fucking answer it, bitch? Why did you fucking join in, if you think you're so above it?"

Crimson began to bleed into Itachi's once coal-black gaze. Hidan bared his incisors in a smirk. So, he'd struck a nerve? "I'm not," Itachi admitted. Hidan narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing Itachi as if it might let him read what Itachi wasn't saying. "I did it for the same reasons you did."

"You don't know why I fucking do anything," Hidan's voice dropped low, speaking in Yuga. The familiar language was one Itachi hadn't heard in months, it sent a chill down his spine.

"It's because you want to destroy everything," Itachi said in turn. Hidan watched him for a moment, and Itachi raised his chin, awaiting an answer where he had no idea what to expect.

Hidan stood, then, reaching out and snatching Itachi by the jaw. Unrelenting, his fingers dug bruises into Itachi's pale skin as he drew the younger man closer, sneering into Itachi's cool gaze. "And you want to be destroyed."


	7. Building Anew

Obito was fond of this place, the private spot at the edge of the forest, where a cliff overlooked miles of green. Clouds kissed the tops of mountains in the distance, making the sky appear as if it were just within reach. This was where Obito came to think, where he could escape the entropy that seemed to follow him everywhere else. Out here, Obito wasn't an infamous leader nor was he Tobi. That alias was shed until he stepped foot out of the small sanctuary. None of the other members ventured this far out, the paths were too convoluted and overgrown to bother.

"Obito?"

Well, most of the members didn't. Obito straightened up a bit, though he didn't stand, and turned his head to the side. Out of the corner of his vision he watched Deidara making his slow approach. Deidara's eyes never left Obito, as if he were waiting to be ordered to leave. Of course, such an order would have likely just gotten brushed off. Deidara could see something had been plaguing Obito's thoughts lately, and he'd come to try prying the reason out of his partner. "You traipsed all the way out here just to hunt me down?" Obito asked, bemused.

Deidara cocked a brow. "It's part of my job to be good at tracking, and you act surprised, yeah?" Deidara snickered before he took a seat beside Obito, mindful of the cliff's edge. "Besides, I think you've kept enough secrets from me, by now." Deidara spoke in good humor and gave Obito's shoulder a nudge for good measure.

"I can't argue with that," Obito replied, smiling as he felt Deidara's weight leaning against his side. Deidara had gained much of his muscle mass back, but he was still somewhat slight against Obito. "I can ask if you have a reason for tracking me, at least."

"I don't need a reason," Deidara answered.

"I remember why Sasori used to call you a brat," Obito spoke dryly, but it was with good humor. Deidara gave him a cheeky smile in retaliation.

"I don't blame you for coming out here to disappear for a while, yeah." Deidara would never be able to imagine keeping up a façade for so long. What would it feel like if you forgot who you really were? He wasn't brave enough to ask such a question, maybe he was afraid of what the answer would be. "But something's been bothering you, lately. Ever since the infiltration attempt you seem like your mind is somewhere else, un."

The observation wasn't untrue, but that didn't mean Obito had an answer for it. Not a simple answer, anyway. "It isn't your concern, Deidara. Not yet."

Blond eyebrows furrowed into a partial scowl. He was more confused by the statement than he was frustrated by it, people dodging questions had always bothered Deidara. "If it involves you, then it's my concern, too," Deidara argued. "What is it? Did something more happen on that day we were attacked?" Deidara pulled back then, his eyes having widened at the sudden possibility. He wouldn't put it past Obito to cover things up. Fortunately, Obito shook his head in denial.

"No, but it made me realize something." Obito didn't continue immediately, and Deidara pursed his lips in impatience. It took all his self-control not to feed into his impulsiveness and probe for more answers. While the two were partners, Obito was Deidara's superior, a fact the bomber had to remind himself of. It was easy to forget, while they were sharing private moments like this one. "I've been biding my time. I've spent several years working towards a goal that may outlive me. Someone else can take it on, I know that it's an inevitable goal. It's older than I am, myself, after all."

Obito gave a quiet chuckle, but it held no humor in it. Deidara regarded Obito in silence, studying the nostalgic glassiness in the man's single eye. "What are you saying, un? That you want us to start pushing harder, to work on capturing the last two bijū? The Uzumaki brat will be the hardest—"

Obito's lips turned up in a faint smile, and Deidara let his voice trail off. The sun was beginning to disappear behind the clouds, dropping down a shadow over the two of them. Obito closed his eye and savored the cool shade. "I've been a vessel for this goal for some time, Deidara. It's…complicated.

"Most things are, when it comes to you," Deidara said. "I don't understand what you mean, un."

"I don't know how to make you understand. It would take a lot of time. When I was a child and received these wounds, they almost killed me. I was saved by the man who first invented this plan, it was his goal, first, but one that I latched onto and made mine, too." Obito leaned back, as if the weight of the story were tiring him. Deidara did nothing but stare out over the darkening horizon, his brain struggling to keep up with the story being fed to him.

"Are you saying you want to finish the goal for him, or that you regret taking it on?" Deidara asked, hesitant but unable to withhold the question.

"I don't regret, I'm just uncertain of how to go forward. There will always be those who loathe and oppose us. I've been fighting all these years, and I've only succeeded in more destruction." Obito tilted his head back, his shoulders sagged and body lax. He hadn't fought for this goal half as long as his predecessor had, and yet he still felt all the weight resting on his chest. If Obito failed, he would be failing so many others. He had been a child of war, how was he to understand peace, should he even see it?

Silence shrouded them for several minutes, in that time the clouds had grown heavy and fat, leaving the land dim. Deidara had nothing to say, no advice to give. He had been recruited to the Akatsuki by force and he didn't share similar goals, none of them did, they were all fighting for their own. "You aren't looking at it from the right view, un."

Obito stiffened, surprised by Deidara's interjection, but it didn't stop the blond from continuing. "You've only ever looked from one point of view. Maybe you should try it from another. Who was that man to say that his own ideals weren't someone else's fears?"

Stunned, Obito shook his head. "That was the point, the plan was set to make everyone's dreams come true. It was intended for the world to be happy."

"No, the point was to erase pain, because you were hurt. No one else can decide what happiness is for someone else. You can spend your whole life chasing idealism, or you can step up and pursue a more realistic armistice, yeah." Deidara's words came sharply and left no room for Obito to break in. "I am on your side, and I always will be. Now, you need to figure out what side you're on, and what you're going to do about it."

Deidara realized that he had stepped out of line almost as soon as he'd done it, but he offered no diffidence for it. He wasn't sorry for what he said. He wasn't going to allow Obito to throw any of their work away. Nor was he going to sit back and watch someone he loved force themselves into something they were no longer sure about. "What's more important to you, Obito? Making a difference, or punishing those who have wronged you?"

Obito stood then, jerking off the ground as soon as Deidara had finished talking. The words "you don't know what you're talking about" threatened to leave his mouth, but Obito bit them back. He, of all people, knew that Deidara had suffered something terrible, too. He headed off into the clearing a bit, near the edge of the forest, distancing himself from Deidara for a second. To his credit, Deidara stayed where he was, seeming to understand that neither of them needed any forced contact right now.

Running his fingers through his hair, Obito sighed. "I don't want any losses to be in vain," he admitted.

"That's inevitable. You know that just as well as anyone else, un. Some deaths are pointless. But, a shinobi is never lost in vain." Obito cut his gaze towards Deidara, unmoving as Deidara neared him. "A shinobi dies fighting for what they believe in. They laid their life down to protect and to serve, yeah. We'll do the same."

"I'm going to ensure there's a difference before that happens, Deidara."

"I have no doubt you will." Deidara rested a hand on Obito's arm once he was close enough. Regardless, Deidara was sworn to the Akatsuki, just as the others were. They would all be carrying out the goal, whatever it may lead them to. "Maybe it won't be us who brings peace. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try. It's been all you've fought for, hasn't it, yeah?"

Obito turned to look at Deidara, but he didn't answer. He was quiet as he drank in the sight of the man in front of him, contemplating the words spoken. Obito had started this because of love, because he wanted to avenge Rin, because he didn't want anyone to have sacrifice like that again.

Now, looking at Deidara, Obito realized he had lied to himself all those years ago, when he swore he would never love again. He hadn't been able to protect Deidara, either, and that would haunt Obito just as Rin's death had. But, at least he had been able to save Deidara's life. Or, perhaps he'd just encouraged the blond to save his own.

That thought made Obito start a bit. What if the beginning was to first end his own hateful and destructive path before he could be of any help to those he wanted to save? "Even if you're right," Obito began, "it would still take years to lead any great change. It's a sacrifice I'm willing, and have been willing, to make. The others might be less inclined."

"They are under orders. Your orders, even if they're spoken through Pein-sama." Deidara nudged Obito and coaxed him into turning to look out over the horizon. The wind was blowing through the trees and making them appear alive and moving, from a distance. "This is what you want to preserve, isn't it, un? The world, the people? Start by bridging the villages. If you want to end it, you have to start where it breeds."

If possible, Obito considered that that plan may be a probable stepping stone. The inner workings of each village were built on war, on shaky treaties and mistrust with the other hidden villages. If they banded together instead of remaining in a constant state of friction, they would be better suited to fight against more serious, larger threats, should they come. Perhaps if they had already found strength in one another, they wouldn't have suffered the losses they had already. Children could have grown up knowing more than war and murder.

"Obito?"

Obito snapped his head towards Deidara, who he hadn't realized had been awaiting a response. Fondly, Obito smirked at his lover. "I think some of them might need some convincing," he said.

Deidara gave a thoughtful hum and pulled a gleaming clay butterfly from his pouch, now twirling it between his fingers. "There will be a war, Obito. You might attract more to your side, but you will certainly make more enemies, un."

Obito had countless enemies as it was, what was a few more? He reached for Deidara, who allowed himself to be pulled until he lost his balance and had to lean against Obito's chest. "We've been prepared for any measure we have to take. If it's worth fighting for, it's worth suffering for," he pressed a brief kiss to Deidara's mouth, "are you ready to return to active duty?"

Deidara grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gave this my all when it came down to trying to align it to the original ending. I was going to change it, but decided I didn't necessarily want to. I wanted to leave it more ambiguous, whereas in the original ending, peace was a certain. I didn't want that, I wanted it to be more open to interpretation, for it to be a sort of grey-area. Peace is a grand scheme, but not one that will be obtained without almost everyone suffering or losing something.
> 
> Maybe this was on the track to canon, and the Akatsuki were eventually erased, though the villages did have to come together; or maybe Obito did eventually succeed some semblance of control and peace, just like he'd wanted. Even if forced peace isn't a true one.


End file.
